


Sleep Apnea

by DestroyingAngel



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Author is trans, Healing Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Neurodivergent Junkrat, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Slow Burn, Trans Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:33:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26541472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestroyingAngel/pseuds/DestroyingAngel
Summary: After Junkrat suffers a traumatic experience, he falls into a depressive spiral. Roadhog wants to help him recover, but is forced to confront his own feelings in the process. (Junkrat is depicted as trans. Explicit non-con is only in the first chapter so feel free to start from chapter 2 if you want to skip it.)
Relationships: Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes & Roadhog | Mako Rutledge, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Roadhog | Mako Rutledge
Comments: 10
Kudos: 58





	1. Isolation

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: rape, transphobia, dysphoria, homelessness, childhood trauma (but don’t worry there’s plenty of love and comfort here too!). The non-con is only in the first chapter so if you’d rather not read it, start from chapter 2 instead.
> 
> Authors notes: This story deals with some heavy themes, so reader discretion advised I guess. Please note, I realize some people may find the themes in this story problematic, or think this kind of hurt/comfort story is “cringey”, but writing it brought me an immense amount of healing and joy during an extremely difficult time. So my hope is that, despite the difficult themes in it (and / or how awkwardly they are explored), it may provide some comfort or joy to someone else. I did my best to handle the subject matter as delicately as I could and contained the most triggering stuff in the first chapter so that you can easily skip over it if you want.
> 
> This is a story intended for mature audiences only and is not to be read by anyone under the age of 18.  
> -
> 
> Chapter summary: Jamie looks back on his recent trauma.

The days seemed to drag by ever so slowly. Junkrat would lay in bed till noon or later. At some point, he would muster up the energy to make himself something to eat, despite the fact that his appetite had all but disappeared. Then he would curl up in front of the TV for hours, barely paying attention to what was on the screen, just hoping to distract his mind for even a moment.

It had become difficult for Junkrat to be around Roadhog, and that was the other reason why he avoided leaving his room. It was painful, even humiliating, that his best friend knew about what happened, and had actually witnessed it happening. It felt safer and easier to isolate himself in the loft. Seeing Roadhog reminded Junkrat too much of what his life used to be like, and of the person he used to be, before the assault.

—

Moonlight was streaming through the window. In the loft of the converted warehouse he and Roadhog called home, Jamie was lying face down on his couch. It was his favorite position lately. The tv flickered distantly, its soft bluish glow seemed to be the only thing able to soothe his frazzled nerves these days.

Jamie lifted a beer can and tossed it into the pile next to the rug. His eyes focused on the back of his one intact hand as it was illuminated by a moonbeam streaming through the darkness. His arms seemed thinner than they used to be, and it made him feel weak and delicate. The world around him felt unreal and dreamlike. The wounds that had crisscrossed his body after the assault were long healed over, but the memories were still as vivid as if it had happened the previous week. It was frustrating how the smallest things, like looking at his own body, could put him back to the moment of being assaulted.

_Life is shit_ , Junkrat thought miserably with a frown, folding his arms under his head on the pillow. _Whats the point of being alive anyway? I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up._

Since it happened, Jamie had gone over the event in his mind backwards and forwards, from beginning to end, trying to glean any bit of meaning from his experience, to no avail. The most painful moments of his life were replaying on an endless loop, burning ever further into the screen of his mind.

—

_(Weeks earlier)_

***Content Warning: Non-Con***

—

_Why is my hair wet?_ Jamie thought. Through his blurred vision he saw the palms of his hands, one prosthetic and one flesh. They were trembling, his fingertips stained with red. _Oh... it’s blood. My blood. From when I got hit in the face._

Jamie’s breathing was labored as he wiped wetness from his chin, mixing blood and saliva and other fluids that made him too distraught to think about. The taste and scent of his attacker was still fresh in his senses, making him feel nauseous. It seemed like there was no end in sight. His legs and the skin of his knee were starting to feel sore from kneeling on the hard wood floor of the room he was trapped in.

_What did I do to deserve this?_

Distantly, the voice of his captor was saying something. At this point, Jamie was mentally absent from his own body, making it hard to hear. It felt like his consciousness was on the ceiling, and just a fragment of his mind was operating his body on the floor. The voice of his attacker barked again, louder this time, and Jamie felt his body shaking.

_Oh… He said something about getting on all fours_ , Jamie thought as tears came to his eyes. He wanted to fight back, he wanted to scream no, but he felt powerless.

_I’m not here I’m not here I’m not here_ , he thought helplessly. _Maybe if I don’t resist, it won’t be so bad? Prob’ly better to just go with it than to fight back. God, I’m useless…_

Junkrat got onto his hands and knees, shame burning a hole through him, tears falling from his eyes. He felt the pull of fabric at his waist, and heard the sound of something clattering softly across the floor. To his horror, he realized it was the button from his shorts popping off as his clothes were forced from his body.

Knobby, piercing fingers were squeezing Junkrat’s hips hard enough to bruise. Jamie’s jaw clenched in a silent scream, his face contorted in pain, and tears fell freely as his attacker violated him. A pain shot through his body as though he was being split open, he could feel himself ripping from being pushed too much too fast.

Each second that passed felt like a painful eternity. _I just want this to be over_ , he thought. _Will he let me go once he’s done…?_ In the midst of dissociation, the voice of Jamie’s attacker pierced through.

“You’re ugly as sin, but your pussy feels good,” his attacker breathed heavily.

Jamie immediately felt his stomach lurch as the words fell on his ears.

_I’m going to be sick... I want to die_ , he thought to himself hopelessly. _Just gotta focus on something else until it’s over. This might be the worst time this has happened to me, but it’s not the first time. Just gotta go to my happy place. What’s my happy place again? Used to be the junkyard where I could lay and look at the stars. Now its prob’ly home. I don’t wanna think about home, though, because then I’ll think about Roadie and that will make me sad and I don’t wanna do that. He’s not coming to help me. No one is coming to save me._

Jamie’s spirits fell at the thought of Mako abandoning him - or worse.

_Maybe Roadie was killed… Or maybe he just fucked off. I bet he never liked me... This is all my fault for wanting to come here in the first place. For being too weak to stop what’s happening right now. I was in over my head from the beginning._ Jamie’s heart was crushed at the idea. He let his gaze fall to the floor, accepting his fate.

Distantly, Junkrat heard a cracking pound on the door of the room he was trapped in, and the sound of his attacker barking orders in response.

_Huh... Wonder what that’s about_ , Jamie thought. His hearing still felt blocked by trauma, as if the sound of blood rushing through his ears was too loud to hear anything else. His tear blurred gaze was focused on his hands planted against the floorboards in front of his face.

There was another pound, accompanied by a cracking noise, and then the door shook as the sound of relentless gun blasts hitting wood filled the room. It was hard to think through the fog in his mind, but to Junkrat, it almost sounded like Roadhog’s scrapgun.

The lock holding the doors shut cracked apart, and the doors burst open in a cloud of dust and debris. Jamie looked up to see the smoking end of Roadhog’s gun, smoldering orange in the haze that surrounded them. The dust cleared, revealing his masked face and menacing form towering in front of them, hook in hand.

An exhale escaped Jamie's throat, and his spirits lifted. _Thank fuck_ , he thought, as the tears fell down his face.

He could feel the hesitant fear radiating from his attacker. The other man's grip loosened as he scrambled to run from Roadhog’s wrath. A maniacal grin tugged at Jamie’s mouth.

“You’re in for it now, dickhead.”

—

Jamie could hear and feel his assailant scrambling around behind him, but whatever attempt his captor was making to escape was interrupted by Roadhog’s hook catching him around his waist, and the man’s body was pulled against the barrel of Roadhog's scrap gun.

Once free, Junkrat’s fists reached down and grabbed his waistband. He tugged the shorts back up his legs, zipping them up, as if by being clothed again he could somehow cover up some of the shame he felt. They were still a little loose from the lack of button, and he could see his blood slowly seeping into the fabric between his legs.

_Fuck_ , Junkrat thought, wincing from the pain in his body. _I wonder how much Roadhog saw. I hope he didn’t see too much. That would be a shit way for him to find out the truth about me…_

As he tried to look up at Roadhog, Jamie felt his head spinning. He carefully lied down on his side, clutching his belly, his gaze eventually came into focus on Roadhog across the room. Jamie’s eyes darted up to see Roadhog’s huge fist around his attacker’s neck, squeezing hard, raising the other man up off the ground. The attacker’s own gun had fallen out of his hand, and he appeared paralyzed with fear.

“Death is too good for trash like you,” Roadhog growled lowly, squeezing his fist tight around the other man’s throat, until his eyes bulged. “Rapist piece of shit.”

A smile tugged at Junkrat’s mouth weakly as he watched the punishment unfold. Still, it seemed impossible to keep his eyes open. The physical pain combined with the fear, shame, and fatigue he felt was quickly draining all the energy he had left.

Junkrat’s vision went dark, and his body fell limp as he lost consciousness.


	2. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie continues to reflect on his trauma

The barrel of Roadhog’s scrap gun was against the rapist’s forehead, cocked and ready to fire.

“No don’t!” He begged. “I don’t wanna die!”

“Should’ve thought o’ that before you crossed Junkrat and Roadhog.”

Roadhog pulled the trigger, and the stranger shrieked in protest as the scrap gun filled his skull with shrapnel, killing him instantly.

“Rest in piss, asshole,” Roadhog muttered as he racked his gun, dropping the other man’s body unceremoniously on the floor.

It felt unusually quiet. Roadhog’s eyes moved across the room, to find Junkrat lying unconscious in a fetal position on the hardwood floor. 

_Fuck._

As his heart pounded in his ears, Roadhog quickly rushed over to come to kneeling beside where Junkrat was lying, lifting his smaller body up off the ground to check his vital signs.

Junkrat had a faint pulse and his breathing was shallow. The sides of his face were bloodied, and his shorts were stained with blood between the thighs as well. _Damn it_ , thought Roadhog, pulling his mask up and off his head. _Could his injuries be life threatening?_

Roadhog attached a can of hogdrogen onto the mask in his hand. 

_I can’t give this to him when he’s unconscious and his breathing is so shallow_ , Roadhog thought frantically. _I need Jamie to wake up and breathe deep or the medicine might not work._

—

“Junkrat…”

Junkrat’s body felt warm, but pain was throbbing between his thighs, in his lower abdomen, and on the sides of his face. Everything was dark. 

_Did I fall asleep outside?_ He thought. _Why does everything hurt so much?_

“Jamison..!” Roadhog’s voice had an uncharacteristic hint of desperation, and sounded far away to Junkrat’s ears, as if he was underwater. 

“C’mon, wake up..!”

_Is that Roadie_? Junkrat thought. _Feels like something’s wrong. He sounds far away. Is he in the yard? Where am I anyway?_

Junkrat became aware of the wet soreness between his thighs and the memories suddenly came rushing back.

Oh waitasec, that’s right... We were on a run. It was a trap. We got separated. That bloke whatshisface was here and fucking kicked the shit out of me... He r*ped me… Roadie came to save me. Oh fuck... How much did he see..? Junkrat felt sick to his stomach thinking about it.

_No. No no no no._

He wanted to believe it hadn’t actually happened, that it was all a bad dream and he’d wake up safe in Roadhog’s house. A tiny part of him wished that he had died during the ordeal. Having to live with the pain and humiliation of what he had gone through seemed overwhelming. 

_I hate that this happened to me. Again._ Junkrat thought bitterly. _I wish he had just killed me._

“Jamie…” 

Roadhog sighed. His strained voice whispered a desperate plea, as if he had read Junkrat’s mind. 

“Don't die on me, please...” 

_Roadie_. Junkrat inhaled sharply, his mind blank with shock. _I thought he didn’t care about me. That he wasn’t going to come for me. But he sounds... scared. I’ve never heard him sound like that before._ The sound of Roadhog on the verge of tears tugged at Junkrat’s heart strings. 

_I don’t want my best mate to be sad. He needs me. Even if he doesn't always show it, I’m still his best friend. If I die, he’ll be all alone. I can't die in a place like this. Fuck that. I want to be there for Roadie._

Junkrat’s fingers twitched in a feeble attempt to feel his surroundings. It was hard to breathe. The world felt like it was slowly rotating off its axis around him, making him feel like his body was upside down. As Junkrat came to, his eyes fluttered open, and he realized his head was resting against Roadhog’s shoulder. Roadhog was holding Junkrat’s body upright, his huge arm supporting Junkrat’s upper back. Junkrat blearily looked up, his head feeling too heavy for his neck. He could see Roadhog’s unmasked face. His brow was creased with concern, his tearful brown eyes were looking searchingly into Junkrat’s own. 

“Roadie,” Junkrat’s voice croaked. 

A look of relief washed over Mako’s face, and an exhale escaped his lips. Junkrat winced as pain shot through his core, his head still throbbing. _Oh god everything still hurts so much._

“It hurts,” Junkrat sobbed, tears mixing with the blood on his face. His jaw throbbed. Even getting two words out was painful.

“I got you.”

Roadhog used his free hand to carefully press his mask up to Junkrat’s face, the can of hogdrogen still attached to it. Once the mask was over Junkrat’s nose and mouth, Roadhog twisted the can into place, popped the seal and released the gas.

“Breathe,” Roadhog instructed. Jamie inhaled slowly. “Deeper! …Good.”

As Jamie breathed in the healing gas, his eyebrows relaxed, and the tension began to drain from his body, his pain fading in an instant as the medicine flooded through his brain to dull his pain receptors. The nanites traveled through to the surface of his skin to heal the wounds inflicted upon him by his assailant. His mind became hazy and his face tingled with heat as the medicine worked to repair the blunt force trauma inflicted on his head. Junkrat flinched, his back stiffening in shock as he felt the nanites working through his lower abs, tingling between his thighs, apparently repairing the tears in his front hole.

 _How?_ he wondered. _This is amazing. So this is the medicine Roadie makes?_

Junkrat continued breathing deep until the canister felt empty, then his eyes met Roadhog’s. 

“Much better,” Junkrat whispered weakly, as the mask was removed from his face. The gas gave him a feeling of lightheaded disorientation, almost like being high.

“Good?” Roadhog asked.

“It worked,” Jamie breathed. “That stuff’s incredible..! I’m cured! Makes me feel a bit funny, though.”

“Let me see,” Roadhog insisted. He gripped one hand on Junkrat’s chin, turning Jamie’s head to the side, inspecting where the injuries had been. Roadhog then reached up and brushed his thumb across one of Jamie’s cheeks, and then the other, to clear away the blood that remained. 

Junkrat’s face reddened, his heart pounding in his chest as butterflies filled his stomach. Roadhog didn’t usually get so close to him or touch him so delicately. It was strange to see the larger man’s normally stoic expression looking so worried. It was a side of him that Junkrat had never seen before.

_I like when Roadie takes care of me. He’s cute when he’s gentle like this…_

“Hm,” Roadhog grunted in approval, withdrawing his hand, much to Jamie’s internal disappointment. “Scared me for a minute there.”

Junkrat felt guilt and shame stinging the back of his throat. _Oh god what have I done_ , he thought. _Coming here was my bright idea and it was a disaster. Why do I fuck up everything? It’s a wonder Roadie even bothered to save me..._ A small piece of Junkrat was always afraid that one day Roadhog would abandon him for a partner who was more skilled.

“Well, Roadie… Its just like you always say. I’m an idiot.” Junkrat muttered.

“..?” Roadhog gave him a questioning look. 

“I should’ve known this was a trap. Seemed too good to be true. Plus, I was useless the whole time, I couldn’t frag if my life depended on it. I’m just a scaredy cat. And it nearly got us killed,” Junkrat’s voice was shaking as he forced out a half hearted laugh.

Mako huffed, shook his head and pulled Junkrat into a fierce embrace, his massive arms wrapping around Jamie’s smaller body. Truthfully, Mako wasn’t thinking about the failure of their mission. All that mattered to him was that Jamie was alive. 

“S’ok,” Mako gruffed softly. “You did great.”

Tears welled in Junkrat’s eyes and he reached to wrap his arms around Roadhog’s belly, returning the embrace. Roadhog was not the hugging type, and this was the first time Junkrat had heard him actually say the words “you did great”. So Junkrat wanted to savor the moment for as long as he could. He nuzzled his head against Roadhog’s, relishing in the feeling of safety the larger man gave him. He could feel Roadhog’s heart pounding against his own, and a smile tugged at his lips. He had to admit that it felt good to be in Roadhog’s arms. Perhaps that feeling alone had made surviving worth it.

“Cheers,” Jamie said softly.

Awkwardly, they released each other from the embrace. 

“Wanna blow this place up?” Roadhog suggested with a smirk, as he reached up and pulled his mask over his head.

“You know _just_ how to make me feel better, mate…”

—

On the motorcycle ride back to their house, Junkrat sat in his sidecar with his knees huddled up, feeling as though a shadow were hanging over him. The explosion had provided a brief distraction, but reality was slowly starting to trickle in again. There was an unshakable feeling in Jamie’s heart that he had been permanently damaged, and that the carefree person he once was would never exist again. He turned his face away from Roadhog, trying to hide the tears that fell as they rode home in silence.


	3. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over the weeks that follow the assault, Roadhog helplessly watches as Junkrat becomes a shadow of his former self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Thank you for kudos and kind comment on the last 2 chapters. Some notes for this one: In the game, the loft in Roadhog’s house on the Junkertown map is only accessible by wall climbing or using something like coach gun or concussion mine to boop yourself up there. In this story I reimagined this part of their house so that the loft is accessible by an outside stairway/separate entrance, so that Roadie can get up there easily.
> 
> Also content warning in this chapter for drug mention (cannabis).

Chapter 3: Reflections

Kneeling beside their freshly washed and dried motorcycle/sidecar combo, Roadhog was diligently working on some tune ups to their vehicle. Usually days like these were accompanied by the distant sounds of Jamie’s laughter coming from the yard, or his chatter of excitement while he was working on explosives and other projects. Recently, however, Jamie seemed to have lost all interest in anything other than being alone in his part of the house.

_Geez... The house is so quiet lately_ , Mako thought, his brow tense with worry. _Reminds me of what my life was like before I met Junkrat._ _Was always quiet like this before he moved in. Feels a bit eerie now though..._

Mako glanced up at the loft where Jamie was holed up.

_He’s just in a low place right now because of what happened_ , Roadhog thought. _Right...? Just like I was after what I went through, with the war and all... He’ll be right. Just gotta give him some space and he’ll be fine._

Still, Roadhog couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that Junkrat was definitely not going to be fine.

-

Two weeks later, Roadhog was sitting at their breakfast nook, having his morning coffee alone. Across from him, Junkrat’s chair was empty and neglected, as it always was these days. A frown tugged at the corners of Roadhog’s lips, his heart feeling heavier than normal without his best friend there to brighten his morning up.

_Guess he’s not interested in breakfast or coffee with me anymore_ , Mako thought bitterly. _It’s like he’s avoiding me or something. He hasn’t had breakfast with me in weeks._

Since the assault, Jamie’s sleeping and eating habits had changed dramatically. He often spent all day in bed, preferring to have an occasional meal in the middle of the night after Mako had already gone to sleep, with varying frequency. Every so often, Mako would awaken from his slumber and look across the house to catch a glimpse of Jamie in the kitchen. The smaller man always had a sullen expression on his face as he half heartedly made toast or another low-effort meal by the dim light over the stove, before sulking back to his room in the loft.

_Guess I never thought about what a big part of my life he is_ , Mako realized worriedly. _How long’s it been since he hired me - a year and a half? Feels like longer. That’s the type of friendship we had - one where it feels like you’ve known each other for years even though it’s only been a short time. Now it feels like those days are long gone…_

—

Another two weeks passed, and Junkrat still seemed to be actively avoiding Roadhog. There was a space and silence left by Jamie’s absence that bothered Mako more every day. The hours and hours of alone time gave Mako a chance to be introspective and reflect on his feelings. The more he reflected, the more complicated his feelings became.

Resting his body after a day of work, Mako was sitting in his chair on their back porch, rolling a joint on a tray in his lap. He had invited Junkrat to join him for a smoke and was, unsurprisingly, turned down.

“Nah thanks mate,” Jamie had muttered, as he waved Mako away, before rolling over on his couch to face away from the door, pulling his blanket around his shoulders defensively. “Have it all to ya self.”

Mako frowned, his eyes falling on the freshly rolled joint between his fingers. 

_Damn it. He should be sharing this with me. I miss him_ , Mako thought sadly as he fiddled a lighter in between his fingers. _Feels uncomfortable to admit that, but I do._

He shook his head sadly at the thought, before bringing the joint to his lips, lighting it, and taking a drag. As he exhaled, he tried to picture what it would be like if Jamie were sitting next to him, animatedly telling a story as he often used to before he was hurt, just joking and laughing the afternoon away. Longing filled Mako’s heart and his eyes became misty at the feeling. A ragged sigh of frustration escaped his lips.

_Why do I miss his laughter?_ Roadhog thought helplessly. _Why do I miss him being here and talking to me, when before I just wanted him to shut up? What’s wrong with me? Isn’t this what I wanted? To be left alone?_

Roadhog tried to think of a time when he was annoyed with Jamie, wondering if it were possible to unravel his own feelings by reflecting on past events. He inhaled another drag from the joint, and in his mind, a memory surfaced from a time not long after he and Jamie had met; a moment that had stuck with him for almost the entire duration of their friendship.

—

  
***begin flashback***

“Hey, listen to this! I had this idea for a catchphrase we could use the other day! Since we’re gonna be work partners and all,” Jamie swooned excitedly, his hands clasped together in glee, a grin on his face. 

Roadhog looked down at Jamie from behind his mask.

“I could say something like: I’ll cook ‘em …and you hook em!” Jamie continued with bravado. Suddenly he realized he had misspoke and he brought a hand to his chin thoughtfully. “Wait, no, that didn’t come out right. It’d be betta’ the other way ‘round, I think. You can hold up ya hook and say ‘I’ll hook ‘em,’ and then! I can say ‘and I’ll cook ‘em!’ In response!”

“Hm.”

“So what do ya say? It’s like a rallying cry! You hook ‘em… and I’ll cook ‘em!”

Mako rolled his eyes.

“Do you _ever_ shut up?” He muttered in response.

Jamie’s excitement quickly deflated. A flash of hurt appeared in his face, before he shrugged it off with his usual flair. 

“Suit ya self~!” He sang with a wave of his hand as he turned away from Mako to continue whatever he had been doing before.

_Hmm_... Mako’s mind lingered on the tiny amount of pain he had seen in Jamie’s eyes. For once, Mako’s cold, hardened heart actually felt an unfamiliar flicker of regret about how his words had effected Jamie.

_I hurt his feelings..?_

Days later, as they were preparing to head out to make a deal, Mako attempted to make things right between them.

“Hey,” Mako said, and Junkrat looked up at him curiously.

“I’ll hook ‘em!,” Mako announced with a smirk, holding his hook up high for emphasis.

Jamie’s eyes suddenly lit up as he realized what was happening, a grin exploding on his face.

“...And I’ll cook em!” He cried in response, throwing his fist in the air jubilantly.

***flashback end***

Mako smiled at the memory, before the warm tingling in his heart dissipated and was replaced by guilt and sadness over their diminished state of their relationship. 

_I miss that so much. Should have appreciated him more when I had the chance. I’m an idiot…_  
  
Mako closed his eyes, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips. He brought a hand to his forehead, rubbing his brow in frustration.

_Guess… I was annoyed because of how much he wanted to be my friend..?_ Mako thought, with a hint of self-disgust. _I’m used to everyone treating me like a monster. So I learned to like it. Being alone is just easier. No one to disappoint, no one to accidentally hurt, no one to hurt me either. That was my life for over ten years._

_But then… Jamie came along._

Mako thought of their chance meeting at the bar downtown, how he had rescued Junkrat from being taken to the queen. How his position in their relationship had progressed from reluctant business partner to best friend. 

_Jamie wanted me near him. He was never afraid of, or intimidated by me. He was happy to have me around, and that made me feel... annoyed. It’s uncomfortable, to have someone pay so much attention to me. No one’s been like that with me in years._

Mako’s heart sank. He took one more drag from the joint.

_I was too stubborn to admit how much I like having him around_ , Mako realized. _I took him for granted, and now what we had is gone. Man... I suck…_

Roadhog thought of the loft that they had decided was Junkrat’s portion of the house. He thought of how Jamie had resigned himself to staying up there for the past month, stuck to his couch as if he was just waiting for death to come. Mako just wanted to run up there and grab Jamie and scream " _snap out of it!_ ", but deep down, he knew that would only make things worse.

_I gotta do_ something, he thought worriedly. _I’m all Jamie has. What do I do? There’s never been a time like this. Maybe I could... surprise him with a boba tea..? He usually loves that. Then maybe we could hang out again, like old times._

Suddenly Roadhog had an idea.

_Actually... I should get us something to eat. He can’t be doing well just eating every once in a while. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? Haven’t had take away in a good minute, ‘specially since Jamie never eats with me anymore. Yeah, some food would do us both good._

—

Later that evening, Roadhog returned from a trip to town with two bags of food sitting in the sidecar that was normally occupied by Jamie. It still felt a bit strange to come home to a quiet, seemingly empty house.

_Guess I’ll have to go up there and wake him up_ , Mako thought. _Geez... Not too long ago he would’ve been down here, waiting at the door for me to come home. Now I have to be the one to go up there and get him. Man, I’m outta my element._

Roadhog sighed and ascended the stairs that lead to the upper level and the entrance to the loft. He hesitantly knocked at the door frame, but there was no response. When he slowly pushed the door open just a crack to look inside, the sight that greeted him was a portrait of depression.

Junkrat was lying face down on the couch with a blanket over his body and covering most of his head. His head was turned to the side, his nose and mouth peeking out from under the edge of the blanket, presumably so he could breathe. His prosthetics were both detached and lying on the floor haphazardly beside the couch. There were beer cans and a few dirty dishes scattered. The TV was on but the volume was turned down low enough to make whatever was on indecipherable. Junkrat didn’t acknowledge Roadhog’s presence, but somehow Roadhog had the feeling Junkrat was not actually asleep.

“Hey.”

Junkrat’s body jerked ever so slightly in response to the sound of Roadhog’s voice, but he remained silent.

“...I know you’re awake,” Mako muttered.

Jamie slowly pulled the blanket down his head so his eyes were just barely visible.

“Er. Hey, Roadie,” Junkrat murmured softly. He sheepishly sat up, pulling the blanket around him. His eyes were puffy and had dark circles under them. His body was thin, his arms looking more gaunt than Roadhog remembered them.  
  
_Shit. He looks like hell_ , Roadhog thought, his heart aching.

“Whatcha want, eh?” Jamie croaked, sounding as if he hadn’t used his voice in a while. 

“Got some Chinese food.”

“Oh. S’alright, mate, I dun want any,” Junkrat waved his hand dismissively and started lying back down on the couch. 

“...?” Roadhog tilted his head, silently asking why not.

“I don’t feel good,” Junkrat insisted, pulling the blanket back over his head.

“You eat today?”

“Nah, mate. My belly hurts too much to eat.”

“It hurts because you haven’t eaten!” Roadhog insisted, exasperation in his voice. He stomped over to the couch and yanked the blanket off of Junkrat, tossing it aside. Underneath the blanket, Junkrat was wearing only a somewhat tattered pair of boxer briefs. Roadhog’s cheeks reddened under his mask, and he averted his gaze.

“What the fuck!” Junkrat spat angrily. Curling his hand into a fist, he came back up to a seated position. “Leave me alone!! Just go eat on ya own in peace and quiet, like ya always wanted! And leave me be!”

Behind his mask, Roadhog’s face grimaced in a mixture of pain and anger. It hurt to hear his own words thrown back at him, especially now that he had spent time reflecting on how he had treated Jamie in the past.

_Fuck this. He needs to eat. He looks terrible. If I don’t do something right now he’s going to get even worse_ , Mako thought fearfully.

Roadhog reached down and grabbed Junkrat roughly around the waist, eliciting a sharp gasp from the smaller man’s lips, his honey colored eyes going wide. Roadhog then lifted Junkrat off the couch and heaved the smaller man’s slender body over his shoulder.

“You’re coming with me,” Roadhog grumbled, heading down the stairs, his hands holding Junkrat’s torso firmly in place. _Not gonna let you lie here and waste away_ , he thought.

“You’re just lucky I’m too sick to fight you, ya big lug,” Junkrat muttered, pounding his fists weakly against Roadhog’s back, before his body went limp over the hulking, muscled shoulder. Jamie felt his nausea dissipating as he focused on the feeling of those huge hands on his body. Secretly, he loved to be touched by Roadhog. He was starving for even the slightest bit of care and affection, and being carried on Mako’s shoulder was one of his favorite things.

_Feels kinda nice to get a piggy back ride from Roadie..._ Jamie thought. _Is he doing this to cheer me up? He knows I love a good ride on his shoulders._

Once they were downstairs, Roadhog gently placed Junkrat in his chair by their little breakfast nook. Beside the table were two bags of food.

Jamie perked up as he saw Roadhog pull a large, iced bubble tea and straw out of one bag and place it on the table. At the bottom of the tea, tapioca pearls were visible through the milky looking liquid.

“You got me a boba tea?” Junkrat asked softly, his heart tingling.

Roadhog huffed in approval, before pulling more food items out of the bag.

Junkrat unwrapped the boba straw, poked it through the lid, and brought the cup to his lips. As he sucked the straw, and the cool sweet liquid refreshed his senses. 

_Vanilla flavor, black tea, oat milk, half sweet. Exactly the way I like it._ Junkrat felt a pang of guilt for his outburst earlier. _Roadie got this for me and I was an arsehole to him. Well... I guess it was kinda worth it to get a piggy back ride. I don’t have my leg on, so he’ll probably have to carry me back up too_ , Junkrat thought to himself. 

“Mmm… Now that hits the spot,” Junkrat remarked as he chewed the tapioca. “Been ages since I had a boba tea. Thanks mate.”

As Roadhog opened the food containers, Junkrat eyed a bowl of steamed buns.

“Can I have some of those?” he asked softly.

Roadhog nodded. Within seconds Junkrat had a veggie bun between his hands.

“Mmmm…” Jamie hummed as he chewed the soft, pillowy dough. Once he finished the first bun, his hand was already reaching for another.

“Fuck. I didn’t realize how hungry I was. I ain’t eaten for a while now that I think about it,” Junkrat said, before sinking his teeth into the second bun. 

“Hm...?” Roadhog gave a questioning grunt. 

“How long is ‘a while’, ya ask?” Jamie said as he chewed. “Maybe two days ago I had some leftovers of that soup ya made? I lose track of time, Roadie, you know how it is. I just don’t have an appetite anymore. I am hungry now, tho.”

_Two days? Jesus Christ_ , Roadhog thought in disbelief. _This is worse than I thought it was. I wanted to give him space but now it feels more like I was being neglectful. What the fuck have I been doing while he was wasting away up there? I should have done this sooner._

Roadhog placed a medium container of vegetables and tofu over rice in front of Junkrat. 

“Eat.”

Taking his seat at the table, Mako pulled his mask up and off his face, letting it rest on his forehead. As he dug into his own meal, he would periodically glance up at Jamie. Usually a meal like this brought a big smile to his face, but there was not much excitement today. Mako hadn’t seen Jamie smile much at all since the assault. It was heartbreaking.

_I’ve never seen him like this_ , Mako thought, a lump in his throat. _It’s like he’s trying to kill himself slowly. He doesn’t even want me around him anymore. I felt lucky he survived the night he was raped, but now it feels like I’m losing him a little bit more every day. What can I do? At least he’s eating, that’s a good sign._

“This is strangest chicken I’ve ever had,” Junkrat said curiously with a hand at his chin, quirking one eyebrow as he eyed a piece of tofu at the end of his fork.

“That’s tofu,” Roadhog corrected with a chuckle. 

“Well whatever it is, I like it,” Junkrat admitted as he poured duck sauce over his meal. “And my belly stopped hurting as soon as I ate some. I guess you were right! I didn’t know your tummy could hurt from _not_ eating.”

Within a few minutes, Junkrat was scraping the bottom of his bowl to get the last remnants of food in it. As he lifted the bowl to lick sauce off of the edge of it, his anxious eyes wandered to Mako’s much larger portions of noodles, vegetables, tofu, dumplings, and side of soup. 

This didn’t go unnoticed by Mako.

“You want some,” he asked softly.

“Well… If ya sharing I wouldn’t say no...” Jamie answered hesitantly.

“Hm,” Roadhog lifted his bowl of noodles and using his chopsticks, scooped a portion of the noodles and vegetables into Jamie’s empty bowl, topping it off with a dumpling. He also took an extra bowl from the bag, and poured a small bowl of the soup for Jamie.

“Cheers, mate.”

Junkrat brought the bowl of soup to his lips. The scent of ginger tingled in his nose as he hungrily slurped the broth, using his spoon to shove watercress and tofu into his mouth.

_So good!_ Jamie thought. _I forgot about how yummy this food is. Its been a while since we had takeaway, hasn’t it? This is like a special occasion. Roadie’s treating me._

Several minutes of silent eating later, and Jamie’s dishes were empty once again.

“I finished the whole thing and then some. Ya proud of me?” Junkrat joked flatly, pushing the empty container towards Roadhog for emphasis.

Once he was finished eating, Roadhog pulled his mask back into place and stood up to clear their empty containers away. He paused for a moment, then reached down and ruffled Junkrat’s hair affectionately with one hand. It was a gentle touch that said ‘yes I’m proud of you, good job’.

Junkrat’s spirits lifted a little at the feeling of the huge hand petting the top of his head. His cheeks reddened and his head tingled at the spot where Roadhog’s palm had brushed him.

_I haven’t been hanging out with Roadie_ , he thought. _I miss him, now that I think about it. Maybe he missed me too..?_

“Hey Hog.” 

Roadhog’s masked face looked over at him from the kitchen sink.

“You wanna come hang out with me?” Junkrat asked hesitantly. “Upstairs. We can have a few coldies and watch TV... Unless you’re busy or something.”

Roadhog grunted in approval.

“I might need ya help getting back up there,” Junkrat joked dryly, wobbling his arm and leg stump.

Once back at the table, Roadhog kneeled down and carefully scooped Junkrat up off the chair, cradling one arm around his back, and the other under his knee. Junkrat reached up and rest his arm loosely around Roadhog’s neck to hold himself steady.

As they walked towards the stairs, Junkrat’s heart was tingling. _I just want Roadie to hold me like this forever,_ he thought _. I wish he wanted to do that with me. Instead I just annoy him all the time. He probably liked having a break from me being around him lately._

“How’s your belly,” Roadhog said as they ascended the stairs.

“Much better,” Jamie admitted. “You’re so smart, Roadie. My belly hasn’t been this full in a while.”

“Hm,” Roadhog nodded in acknowledgment.

“Er,” Junkrat stammered. “Thank you for the food. And, I’m... Sorry for yelling earlier. I was being an arsehole.”

“S’ ok,” Roadhog shrugged. “You weren’t feeling good.”

Junkrat’s heart tightened, and he rest his chin on Roadhog’s shoulder, trying not to cry. Something about the larger man’s gentle concern and willingness to forgive tugged at Jamie’s heart strings.

_He’s right, I wasn’t feeling good. I feel terrible every day. Roadie brought me food because he wants me to feel better. He’s worried about me! Jamie’s cheeks reddened. I don’t want to make him worry but... I gotta admit it does feel good that he's trying to cheer me up. No ones ever cared about me the way Roadie does. I love him so much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---  
> Thanks for reading! Follow me on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/destroying4ngel or tumblr at destroying4ngel.tumblr.com


	4. Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Junkrat admits he has trouble sleeping, Roadhog has a few remedies in mind.

Junkrat jerked awake, his eyes snapping open to see the ceiling bathed in darkness above him. This marked the third night in a row he had been woken up by a nightmare. Over a month had passed since he had gone through the most traumatic event of his life, and he was still feeling the effects of it, including a new inability to sleep.

For a while he just laid in his makeshift bed on the couch, sleepily blinking at the loft ceiling, wondering what to do. His eyes felt heavy, and his head was throbbing with pain. He glanced over at the clock next to the TV. 2:03am. 

Junkrat pushed himself up to seated on the edge of the couch, rubbing his face in his hands.

_I can’t sleep right since it happened_ , he thought anxiously. _My belly hurts. Am I going to be fucked up like this forever?_ His throat felt tight and his stomach lurched as he remembered his assault. 

_Maybe a glass of water will help..._

-

A short walk downstairs later, Junkrat stood in the kitchen in his shorts, filling up a glass with water in the sink by the night light over the stove.

Suddenly, the overhead lights in the main room flickered on, illuminating the kitchen. Mako was seated at the edge of his bed, head quirked curiously, his masked face peering through the room at Jamie.

“Shit, sorry mate.” Junkrat muttered. “Didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Shame burned through Junkrat’s chest as he saw Roadhog pull his mask off and stand. 

_Ugh now I've gone and woke Roadie up... He's gonna hate me._

As Roadhog made his way across the room, Jamie hesitantly glanced over Roadhog’s half-clothed form. Mako’s face was exposed, having left his mask on his bed. His silver hair was loose around his shoulders. He was wearing only a pair of white cotton boxer shorts. Jamie’s cheeks blushed ever so slightly as his eyes traced over the larger man’s body. 

_Roadie is cute in just his undies. He looks so... strong_ , Junkrat thought.

"You okay?" Roadhog gruffed.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Junkrat answered distantly, bringing the glass to his lips.

“ _Hm_ ,” Mako grunted disapprovingly with a frown. It was his way of saying ‘no you’re not’.

Junkrat’s back stiffened at the sound of Roadhog’s grunt. Something about Roadhog’s tone made it clear that he didn’t accept Junkrat’s answer.

“It’s just... Uh,” Junkrat shook his head, waving his hand dismissively. “A bad dream. That’s all.”

Mako nodded sympathetically.

“Been having them a lot?”

“Crikey, how’d y’know? Been watching me sleep or something?” Junkrat laughed mirthlessly.

“Heard you get up,” Roadhog said. Jamie frowned, feeling a pit of embarrassment in his belly.

“Yeah,” muttered Junkrat sheepishly. “I can’t sleep a wink lately. Maybe 3 hours at a time. I’m ‘bout at my wits end here. It’s shite, but what can ya do eh? Me heads killin’ me too so I thought maybe a glass of water would do me a bit o’ good.”

“Hm.” Roadhog responded, a contemplative look on his face. He looked to the stove next to them where there was a kettle of water, usually used for coffee, on the solo burner. His massive hand reached down and turned the tiny nob to on, causing the coil to turn red as it heated up beneath the kettle. Mako then walked over to the warehouse shelves. 

Jamie watched as Mako reached for a cylindrical tin with flowers on it.

“Whatcha making there mate?”

“Better than water,” Mako answered, glancing over his shoulder to Jamie. “Sit down.”

“Well alright then!”

Jamie hobbled over to their breakfast nook and took a seat in his chair. Mako walked over to their nook and placed two cups on the table in front of him, before returning back to the stove.

_What’s Roadie up to...?_ Jamie thought.

It wasn’t long until the kettle was whistling. Mako’s back was facing Jamie as he prepared his “better than water” solution. When the larger man turned around, he was holding a teapot.

“Oh. We’re having tea?” asked Jamie. Mako nodded.

“Chamomile. Just gotta let it steep.”

After setting the teapot on the table with one hand, Mako’s other huge fist dropped a paper wrapped packet of 2 Biovil tablets next to the mug.

“And some tablets for me headache?” Jamie said, a smile tugging at his lips. “Gee, thanks Roadie!”

Roadhog nodded in response. He then turned and walked back to the kitchen once more, this time returning with a jar of translucent gold liquid.

“Woah!” Jamie’s eyes bulged. “You sure you wanna bust out the honey?! I know that stuff's a precious commodity ‘round here. Wouldn’t wanna waste any of that liquid gold on little old me.”

“S’ok,’ Mako insisted gently, the hint of a smile quirking at his lips. He carefully used the dipper in the jar to put barely a teaspoon of honey into each of their cups. He then poured the tea into each one and used a spoon to stir each cup.

Jamie’s hands grasped around the white ceramic cup as he brought it to his lips. The smell and taste was slightly fruity and floral, with a hint of sweetness. Jamie decided he liked it. 

_Roadie made this for me out of the kindness of his heart. He’s even sharing his honey and some medicine with me!_ Jamie thought to himself, twitterpated, as he took a sip. _What’s gotten into him? He’s giving me butterflies, bein’ all nice ‘n’ shit._

“So… Ya sayin’ this will help me sleep?” asked Jamie between sips. Mako nodded.

“Some,” Roadhog answered. “A bed would help.”

“You mean the couch?,” Jamie said with a shrug. “Been sleeping there since I moved in and it’s been fine.”

“Not ‘fine’ if you can’t sleep.”

“Well where am I gonna find a bed?” Jamie whined. “Cobble one together out of scrap?! Doubt that’ll be much better than the couch!”

To Junkrat’s surprise, Roadhog looked towards the bed in the corner past the kitchen, directly under the loft, in Roadhog’s portion of the house.

“Your bed? But then where are _you_ gonna sleep?” Junkrat asked skeptically. “The couch is way too small for you..."

There was a moment of silence and suddenly Jamie's expression shifted to one of curiosity as he started to pick up on what Roadhog was hinting at.

"I mean..." Jamie started hesitantly. "Unless you think we can both squeeze into the bed.”

Roadhog nodded.

Junkrat inhaled softly in surprise. For a second, he wasn't sure if Roadhog was being serious or joking, but he reckoned this just didn't seem like the appropriate time to be making a joke. 

“Er... Are ya sure? I don’t wanna be a bother. Well... not anymore than I already am.” Junkrat said. “I don’t mind the couch. I’ll just annoy ya being next to ya all night... Won’t I?” 

Roadhog shrugged.

Junkrat considered, for a moment, what Roadhog was suggesting. It wasn’t a _completely_ unusual idea for them to share the bed - they had shared a bed many times camping or in hotels while traveling on their adventures, though never at home. Jamie frowned as he thought about how annoyed Mako usually seemed when they had to share a bed. 

“But...,” Jamie said hesitantly. “You _hate_ sharing a bed with me. Ya think I toss ’n’ turn too much.”

Roadhog shrugged again.

“Not fair for you to have no bed,” he grumbled softly. “It’s your house too.”

Junkrat felt his heart tingle with excitement and his cheeks redden at Roadhog's words. He had never thought of it as their house, but rather Roadhog’s house that he was allowed to crash in. 

“Well… If its not _too_ much trouble," Junkrat answered softly, feeling a bit out of his element. “I... I’d like to try it. Maybe just for tonight...? You can always give me the boot if I’m annoying ya too much. It’ll be like when we’re camping! Except, y’know... inside.”

Roadhog nodded again.

—

Once they finished the tea, Roadhog cleared their dishes away and Junkrat approached the bed they would soon share together.

_Roadie's bed, eh_ , Junkrat thought as he slipped under the top sheet and slid his body across the bed to make room for Roadhog. _This might just work out fine for me. I always liked the idea of cuddling with Roadie. This beds just big enough for both of us so our bodies will be right next to each other_.

He pulled the blanket up around him, nestling into it. He was immediately struck by how much more comfortable the mattress was compared to the scrap couch he normally slept on. The fan whirring away next to the bed provided a soothing airflow and sound that blocked out the often distracting noises of the night. Junkrat realized then that the couch had probably never been that good, he was just used to being forced to sleep in even worse situations and had gotten used to the couch.

_Ok, I could definitely get used to this..._

The mattress squeaked as Roadhog got into the bed, and their eyes met in the darkness as Roadhog slid under the blanket next to Jamie.

“Hooley Dooley! I feel better already!" Junkrat exclaimed. "This is heaven compared to the couch. Thank you so much, Hoggie!"

Roadhog flashed Junkrat a half smirk, before pulling his mask over his face and settling into the bed himself.

_This is great. Even if I have a nightmare, Roadie will be right here next to me when I wake up_ , Junkrat thought happily as drowsiness slowly began to overtake him. _Nothing bad can happen to me with him here._

Jamie tentatively rest his head against Mako's shoulder, which Mako seemed to not notice. Jamie’s eyes peered up at Roadhog’s masked face, a face that he associated with safety and warmth. His heart was pounding.

“Oi mate,” Jamie murmured sleepily, as he began to drift in and out of consciousness. 

“Hn,” Mako grunted in response, looking over at Junkrat.

“Why do you wear a mask when you go to bed anyways..?”

“Sleep apnea.”

—

For a while, Roadhog just dozed while intermittently opening his eyes to check Jamie sleeping - the rise and fall of his chest, the soft sighs of contentment that passed his lips every so often.

After what seemed like an hour, Roadhog felt Jamie's body tense up. He opened his eyes to see Jamie’s body thrash slightly, apparently in the beginning stages of a nightmare.

"Hnn!" Jamie vocalized through the haze of sleep, his limbs jerking. 

Instinctively, Roadhog reached his hand over to rest against the top of Junkrat’s head, and instantly the smaller man’s movements stilled. Jamie's breathing slowed, his body relaxed, and the nightmare appeared to dissipate. To Roadhog’s surprise, a barely visible smile tugged at the corners of the still sleeping Junkrat’s mouth. 

_I guess he liked that_ , Roadhog thought to himself. _Maybe he’s dreaming about us._ He let his hand rest against Junkrat’s hair, dragging his thumb back and forth against Junkrat’s forehead before withdrawing his hand.

_Even in his sleep, he can’t escape what happened,_ Mako thought with a frown _. That sucks._

Mako thought of the fear, shame, and pain in Jamie’s face when Mako found him being assaulted, a never before seen expression now permanently imprinted into the back of Mako’s mind. 

_What can I do? I guess for now just give him a safe place to rest_ , Mako thought to himself as he drifted back into sleep. _Jamie deserves that much._

—

When Roadhog's eyes slowly opened the next morning, he became aware of a warm body cuddling up against his shoulder. He looked over and saw the fluffy, patchy blond hair of Junkrat's head. 

Jamie was still fast asleep, curled up on his side, his face resting on Mako's shoulder, his arms hugging Roadhog's massive bicep. His expression was peaceful, his brow relaxed, lips parted softly as he breathed.

_Hm. He’s kinda cute when he’s asleep_... Mako thought hesitantly, his heart melting at the sight. _He looks so calm. Weird he didn’t toss and turn like he usually does. I wonder if cuddling me helps him sleep heavier. It’s like once he held on to me he didn’t wanna move at all. Either way, feels good to have him back._

Mako carefully turned the oxygen flow off on his mask and pulled the mask up off of his face. His movements jostled Jamie awake.

“Goooood morning..!” Junkrat crowed in his sing-song way as he stretched his arms overhead. It was a song that Roadhog hadn’t heard in a while. 

_Maybe sleeping next to me lifted his spirits a little_ , Mako thought, a smile tugging at his lips. 

“Fuck…’m ... _so_ tired,” Junkrat moaned as he rubbed his eyes blearily. 

“Go back to sleep,” said Roadhog with a shrug. 

“Good idea, mate…” Junkrat sighed, letting his head fall back on the pillow, his eyes falling shut.

_Maybe I’ll make us something to eat_ , thought Roadhog as he came to seated on the edge of the bed. _I’m worried about how much weight Jamie’s lost_. 

Mako started to push himself up off the bed and Jamie suddenly jerked awake with an inhale, and his hand darted out to clutch Mako’s arm, taking him by surprise.

“Wait! Where ya going?!” Junkrat yelped, his eyes blinking blearily. “Are ya leaving?”

Mako chuckled softly, and came back to seated on the bed. He tangled his hand in Jamie’s hair, stroking his thumb along Jamie’s forehead just as he had done during the nightmare. Jamie’s face relaxed as the tension drained from his body.

“Breakfast,” Mako reassured him softly.

“Oh…” Jamie murmured. “So… Ya just gonna be right here then..?”

Mako nodded.

“Sleep,” Mako insisted. “We’ll eat when you wake up.”

A sleepy smile spread across Junkrat’s face. Junkrat pressed his own smaller hand against Roadhog’s large one, as if trying to soak up more of the other man’s loving touch.

“You’re the best Roadie...” Junkrat yawned. “Thanks mate... ’m fuckin’ tired as shit…”

Roadhog watched Junkrat’s breathing slow. Jamie’s honey colored eyes eased closed and he drifted back into sleep. Roadhog reluctantly withdrew his hand from Jamie’s head.

_Geez. It’s like he's scared to sleep alone. Hmm_... Roadhog thought to himself. _Well he does get kinda weird when he’s half asleep like that. Still_...

—

  
An hour later, Junkrat was feeling much more rested as he came hobbling into the kitchen, where Roadhog was having coffee at their breakfast nook. Bubbling on the stove was a pot of oatmeal.

“Smells good!” Jamie chirped, stretching his arms overhead as he shook off the tiredness of sleep.

Mako motioned to two empty bowls by the stove, ready to be filled.

“Hooley dooley!” Junkrat crowed excitedly, a smile lighting up his face as he made his way to the kitchen. “I can’t believe I slept that long. I wasn’t tossin’ and turnin’ too much was I?”

Mako shook his head. 

“Yeah now that ya mention it, I don’t remember rollin’ around at all,” Jamie said thoughtfully as he ladled some oats into his bowl. “That was the heaviest I’ve slept in a long while. Don’t think my body moved a bit all night. Ah… It’s a miracle!”

They took their seats at their breakfast nook, Junkrat in front of his small bowl, and Roadhog with a larger portion of oatmeal and a cup of coffee. Junkrat smiled as he brought his spoon to his lips. He couldn’t believe how much better he felt after just one night sleeping next to the person he loved more than anyone. His heart was tingling just thinking about it.

“Cheers, mate,” Jamie gushed as he shoveled a spoonful of oatmeal into his mouth. “Your porridge is the best. What we got ‘ere, apples? I love when you make breakfast. You’re _so_ much better at cookin’ than I am. Like you always say, I’m too impatient to be a good cook. I burn everythin’. Even if it is just oats, it still comes out way better’n mine. I ain’t had oats this good in _weeks_.”

_Maybe life ain’t so bad after all_ , he thought as he gleefully licked the sweet, cinnamon oatmeal off his spoon. _I got to sleep next to Roadie, he made my nightmares go away, and we’re having breakfast together. I’m having a good day! This is almost like we’re boyfriends_ , he swooned to himself silently.

He glanced up at Mako across from him. Mako was stoic as he sipped his coffee with one hand, as his other was resting on the table, holding a tablet he was reading. Jamie‘s cheeks reddened.

_Okay... Maybe not_ boyfriends _exactly... but... A man can dream can’t he_ , Jamie thought with a sigh. _Even if all we do is cuddle, I would love that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and sorry this chapter took so long. I was hoping to do 2 chapters this month but the struggle is real IRL. Feel free to follow me on twitter @destroying4ngel if you want to keep in touch!


	5. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadhog looks back on the day that Junkrat moved in with him. Meanwhile, Junkrat wants to show Roadhog what a good bedmate he can be, but instead he unintentionally reveals something he was trying to keep hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! Content Warning !!!! This chapter contains “lime” (I don't know if people still use this term in fanfiction but its the only one that seems appropriate), masturbation, references to past sexual trauma, PTSD flashbacks, and references to past transphobia. It also contains references to top surgery/dysphoria, and reclaimed use of the word "queer". Also this chapter is a little longer than the others, just came out that way... Enjoy!

**Content warning** for mild sexual content, references to past sexual trauma, PTSD, and more. Please see authors note.

***Flashback begins here***

****Space in time: not too long after Junkrat and Roadhog decided to team up...****

Roadhog was relaxing blissfully in his chair on his back porch, sipping a cup of coffee. The mid morning sun was peeking out through the clouds, warm against his skin. The expanse that lied beyond Junkertown made for a comforting backdrop to his morning routine. After he had started working with Junkrat a few months prior, it felt like there was a little less pressure on him to gather scrap and do other things to make ends meet, since he now had the nest egg of money Junkrat paid him when they decided to team up. 

As he read the current events on his tablet, Roadhog was suddenly disturbed by a scuffling sound coming from the shed near his house, followed by a clang noise. He lifted his head at attention. A frown crossed his face as he hurriedly put his cup of coffee and tablet down on the table next to him, and came up to standing.

 _Someone’s in my shed,_ he thought _. Lousy scavengers must be robbing me again..._

—

Gun in hand, mask on his face, and hook in his holster, Roadhog sauntered over to the shed, ready to chase away whoever was trying to rob him.

As he menacingly burst through the doorway, he was immediately surprised to find Junkrat curled up on a moldy, dilapidated couch - clutching what looked like a table cloth or perhaps a curtain, that he was trying to use as a blanket. Their gazes met, and Jamie’s body jerked upright to seated, his eyes going wide with shock.

“Rat…?” Roadhog asked in disbelief.

“Uh. H-hey there, mate,” Jamie croaked awkwardly. 

Mako glanced around the shack as he waited for an explanation from Jamie. There were a few instant soup cups and drink cans scattered across the floor. In the corner, Jamie had procured a single cup coffee maker that he was apparently using to heat water, as well as a dirt encrusted cooler that was serving as a makeshift refrigerator. Nearby was a small heap of laundry, mostly different color varieties of the same shorts Jamie always wore, as well as some some bomb making equipment strewn about. Off to the side, Jamie had arranged Mako’s spare scrap into an uneven pile, some of which had fallen over and apparently provided the source of noise that had got his attention in the first place. His gaze drifted back to Jamie, who was fidgeting nervously on the couch.

“So. Don't get mad, but... I mean, I know the sign says ‘no trespassing’, yeah? But, em..." Jamie stammered. "I-I saw ya weren’t really using this shack for much, so er… I been sleeping in here. Hope that’s alright..?”

Mako quirked his head in confusion, his mind taking a moment to process what Jamie was saying.

“You **_living_** in this dump?”

“Hey, don’t judge me, Hog!” Jamie cried defensively. “Not everyone can be all posh like you and have a big fuck off house! I’ll have you know this ‘dump’ you got here is the nicest place I’ve found to live so far. It's better’n sleeping in a car or tent or somethin’, that’s for sure." 

There was an awkward silence for a few moments, and Mako was at a loss for words. He had been under the impression that Jamie lived in some kind of dwelling in the nearby junkyard.

“Look, I don't actually have a place to live, alright?" Jamie admitted, his cheeks reddening as he averted his gaze anxiously. "I know I tell ya I'm 'going home' after our meetings, but the truth is, I usually just putter around the junkyard until the sun goes down, then I come in here and curl up on this comfy couch I pulled out of the trash."

Mako grunted and shrugged questioningly, a non-verbal message only Jamie was able to interpret.

"I _know_ I could use my half of the treasure to find a place to live. It's just that, well... I really wanna make my money last, ya see? If I start paying some scumbag landlord, I’ll run outta cash in no time. Shit like that’s happened to me before. Plus there’s fees, and utilities, and taxes and whatnot... You know I’m no good at handling stuff like that, Roadie. Better to fly under the radar and just embrace the vagabond lifestyle. Who the hell is gonna sell a place to me, anyway?! I’m not even allowed to show my face in town anymore!”

Mako's face was contemplative beneath his mask. _He's right,_ he thought. _If he gets put on the hook for a lease, he'll just be pissing away our earnings to some asshole slumlord. Good luck finding a place to live any other way._

A sudden realization occurred to Mako, and his head perked up. There was no safe, lockbox, closet, or any other kind of secure space in the room.

“Where’s the treasure now,” he asked anxiously.

“Oh don’t worry ya pretty little head about the treasure. I have the _perfect_ hiding spot for it!” Jamie insisted with a grin. “You’ll never guess where, so don’t even try!”

 _Yeah, right_ , Mako thought skeptically. He immediately eyed the suspiciously lumpy cushions on Jamie’s broken down couch. There was an additional lumpy cushion wedged between the couch frame and the wall. Mako stomped over and picked the stray cushion up, immediately feeling that it was a lot heavier than any cushion should be.

“No, wait—“

The point of Mako’s hook found its way to the fabric of the cushion and he ripped it open, exposing the stacks of cash, jewels, and gold stuffed inside. A look of horrified embarrassment crossed Jamie’s face.

“Ok, well,” Jamie muttered, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “ _You_ figured out where it is because you’re some kinda genius, but most people would never have guessed to look in there for anything!”

Mako just stared incredulously in response.

“Well, whatta ya want me to do!?!” Jamie cried, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Just keep my half of the money in that big fortress you got there, I trust ya with it. As for me, well... Is it really so bad if I stay here? I promise you, I won’t be any bother at all. It’ll be like I’m not even here. I mean, look at it this way: I’ve been here for weeks already, you just didn’t notice till now!“

Mako grunted disapprovingly.

“Hoggie, please!” Jamie clasped his hands together and fell to his knees on the floor in front of Mako. “I’m beggin’ ya! I have nowhere to go...”

There was a silence as Jamie cowered before Mako, hiding his face behind his pleading hands. Suddenly the only sound in the room was Jamie sniffing back tears. Mako’s eyes widened behind his mask, and he felt his heart strings being pulled as the atmosphere in the room shifted to one of tense anticipation.

“Roadie, listen to me, ok, just listen,” Jamie continued breathlessly. “I been living on the streets for 5 years. Since... Um, since me mum and dad kicked me out. This lil shack you got here was like a godsend for me. Almost feels like I finally have my own place! I know I should have asked permission and I’m sorry. I was too ashamed to admit I'm homeless, alright? I'll be the best neighbor you ever had if you just let me stay here. I can even keep an eye on the place for you. Please..?”

Mako felt his hardened exterior slowly begin to crumble at Jamie’s words. 

_His parents threw him out..?_ He thought, an aching feeling in his chest. _I assumed they were dead or something, by the way he talked about ‘em. If he’s really been homeless for five years, that means he would’ve only been 20 when they did that to him._

Mako huffed and he shrugged dismissively. 

_Nah, he’s making up a story to make me feel bad. He’s just a freeloader, that’s what he is…_

He glanced down at Jamie.

_Right..?_

Jamie’s eyes were full of tears, his body trembling as he tried to stop himself from crying, his hands still clasped in front of his face. His eyes were on the floor, a look of hopeless despair on his features as he waited for Mako to decide his fate.

 _No. This is serious… I’ve never seen him get this upset._ Mako’s brow creased in concern beneath his mask, and a frown tugged at his lips. _What do I do..? Yeah, I'm not using this shed for much, but... I dunno. It doesn’t... seem_ right _to let him live in here._

Just then, a tiny voice in Mako’s heart spoke, one that he hadn’t heard or paid attention to in a long time...

_It feels wrong because it’s not safe. How could I sleep at night, knowing he’s all alone out here? Knowing someone could come and rob him, or hurt him — or... worse? Knowing he has to live in these conditions? The easiest thing would be for us to live in the house together. That’s what a real friend would do._

For a brief moment Mako’s own eyes felt misty, and he was thankful for the mask he always wore. A sigh escaped his lips.

 _What’s gotten_ **into** _me lately. This idiot’s got me turnin’ soft!_ , he thought with a frustrated scowl.

_Probably gonna regret this, but I can’t stand the idea of Jamie having nowhere to call home. He may be annoying, and talk too much, and laugh too loud… But he’s the only friend I’ve had in years. He doesn’t deserve to be stuck out here. The couch in the loft would be better than this shithole._

While Roadhog stood in quiet contemplation, the tense silence was becoming too much for Junkrat to bear.

“Uh. Roadie..?” he asked with a shake in his voice, glancing up at Mako hesitantly. “Are you angry with me? Ya still wanna be business partners and best mates and all that, right?”

Before he knew what was he was doing, Mako had turned around abruptly and exited the shack, making a beeline for the back yard to retrieve his wheelbarrow. Once he had it in hand, he quickly rolled it back into the shed where Jamie was still kneeling, dumbfounded. 

“Get up,” Mako commanded.

“Uh. So… Ya sayin’ I _can’t_ stay here anymore..?” Jamie asked, raising his index finger in a questioning gesture. 

**“Get. Up.** **”**

Mako unceremoniously threw the now ripped cushion full of money into the wheelbarrow and motioned for Junkrat to gather his belongings.

“Where are we goin’, mate?” Jamie asked as he began to scoop his things up off the floor.

“Business meeting.”

-

Less than an hour later, they were sitting inside Roadhog’s house at the tiny kitchen table, sunlight streaming through the windows. On the table between them, Roadhog had prepared a modest snack of fairy bread, along with a pot of black tea for two, complete with a bowl of sugar packets and a glass bottle of oat milk next to it. The misshapen couch cushions full of treasure, along with all of Jamie’s other belongings, were in a loose pile beside the table.

It was the first time Jamie had ever been inside the converted workshop. His wide eyes were looking around, jaw slack in awe as his gaze moved from the tiny kitchen, to the loft, to Roadhog’s bed, to the carefully set up motorcycle in the front of the house, and back again, as if trying to take in every detail. The sidecar that would soon belong to Jamie was still under construction by Mako's workbench.

“So, er,” Jamie stammered, breaking the long silence, his hands stimming around his cup of tea. “Cheers for the tea and toast, Hoggie. It means a lot, you making me this fairy bread. Musta baked the bread ya self, right? It's delicious! And er... N-nice place ya got here, by the way. It's great to finally get to see the inside. Um. Now then... What did'ye wanna have a meeting about?”

There was a pause as Mako gathered his thoughts. He exhaled shakily.

“It’s not safe for you to live in the shed,” Mako explained gently. “Stay here from now on. Sound good?”

Jamie blinked in confusion.

“Uh... Wait, you saying I can live in here with you?” He asked. “Like... _inside your house_?”

Mako nodded. For a second, Jamie looked like he was on the verge of being excited before his brow tensed in suspicion. He placed his cup of tea on the table, crossing his arms defensively as he averted his gaze.

“You probably want me to pay some kinda rent, then, eh?” He grumbled, his eyes nervously glancing up at Mako’s face to see the response.

Mako scrunched his nose up beneath his mask and shook his head. Jamie’s head perked up in shock, his arms relaxing open.

“Wait… Really?” Jamie asked incredulously. “Ya sayin’ I can live here… For _free_?”

Mako sighed.

“You got one thing right,” he admitted. “Landlords are scum. The place is paid off anyway, so… Nnh...” He shrugged.

“Oh. Oh my god. _Oh my god_!!” Jamie screamed, jumping out of his chair, clasping his hands together as his body squirmed with excitement. “I’m _beside_ myself, I really am! Pinch me, is this really happening? This is a dream come true for me! Thank you so much, Hoggie!”

Jamie started to throw his arms around Mako for an embrace, but was stopped abruptly by Mako’s huge hand on his chest, and his face fell.

“Not so fast,” Mako muttered, pushing Jamie back into seated on the chair. “Got rules in this place.”

“Oh, of course!” Jamie said with a smile. “I’m nothing if not a courteous houseguest! So lay those rules on me, big guy, and I’ll follow ‘em no problem!”

Mako looked over at Jamie’s pile of what appeared to be trash, but was actually all the belongings he had in the world.

“I’m no neat freak but I won’t live in squalor,” Mako said. “Got it?”

“Oh, ok! Yeah yeah, I hear ya! I know I’m dirty, but that’s what happens when ya living outside,” Jamie giggled. “I’ll clean up real good, just you wait!”

 _I’m guessing he doesn’t have any toiletries_ , Mako thought. _Or a clean change of clothes, for that matter. Luckily I still have stuff in the stockpile I built up before the apocalypse._

“Wait here,” Mako instructed.

“You got it, mate!”

Mako walked across the house towards the storage closet near the back room, stopping to grab a laundry basket on the way there. Opening the cabinet revealed a stockpile of toiletries, batteries, and other things that he had gathered prior to the apocalypse. 

_He could probably use a new toothbrush too_ , he thought. _Everything in that pile was dirty as hell_.

Mako assembled a toothbrush, container of paste, a spool of floss, and a couple bars of soap into the laundry basket. He also found a pair of underwear and pajama pants still in the package that he hoped would fit Jamie. He walked back to where Jamie was sitting and arranged the contents of the basket onto the table.

“Holy shit. Is all this stuff for me?” Jamie gasped in disbelief. Roadhog nodded. 

“Ooh... Shiny.” 

Jamie grabbed the toothbrush and inspected it. 

“Would ya look at that!” He screeched excitedly as he marveled at the multicolored toothbrush in his fist, pushing his finger against the packaging where the bristles were. “The brushy thingies are so stiff! This ain’t no free toothbrush from the clinic downtown! This is one of those _fancy_ toothbrushes ya see on TV! My teeth are gonna be sparkling clean! Thank you so much, Roadie!”

Mako nodded in appreciation.

“So I guess today’s order of business is… Make Junkrat… a clean Rat!” Jamie said with a giggle. “What’s the first thing we should do?”

Mako dropped the now empty laundry basket on the floor and used his foot to push it towards Jamie’s pile of clothes, indicating for him to make use of it.

“Laundry.”

“Sounds good to me!” Jamie jumped up and quickly shoveled his lone pile of clothes into the basket. “That’s all the clothes I own!”

Roadhog stared disdainfully at the outfit Jamie was currently wearing - his usual green shorts and holster.

“Whatcha lookin at me like that for?” 

“That harness is filthy,” Mako answered, referring to the straps Jamie wore across his chest and back that usually held his ammunition and tire in place, but were currently bare. “Put it in the bucket.”

“Oh, geez, ya right! I don’t even remember the last time I took this thing off,” Jamie chuckled. “I fall asleep in it most days too.” 

Jamie reached down and unbuckled the holster, peeling the grody fabric away from his skin, and dropping it into the basket.

“I’m guessing I’ll have to take a shower at some point, then, eh?” Jamie said, a curious hand at his chin. “Can’t put these sparkling clean grundies ya got me on a dirty body, that’s what they tell me anyway.”

As Jamie stood before him completely shirtless for the first time, Mako quirked his head curiously as he noticed two reddish, slightly jagged scars, each underscoring Jamie's pectoral muscles. They were thin under his nipples, ran horizontal across his chest, and widened as they curved upwards on the outside of his rib cage. They were usually obscured by the holster and layers of dirt on Jamie’s skin, but they were a bit more obvious now that he had taken the straps off.

Mako's curious look did not go unnoticed by Jamie.

“Oh, don’t mind me scars, mate,” Jamie laughed, waving his hand dismissively. “Wouldn’t ya know it - I got attacked by a shark a while back! But I survived, I’m all patched up, and I got the scars to prove it.”

“Hm. Right…,” Mako grunted skeptically.

“So we goin’ to the laundry place downtown?” Jamie asked as he took the basket in his hands, referring to the lone Laundromat in Junkertown that everyone used. “I’ll have to put on a disguise for that.”

“No,” Mako said. “Got laundry here. No dryer tho.”

As they walked across the floor to the laundry room at the back of the house, Mako’s eyes glanced sideways at Jamie’s chest scars.

 _Liar. Those ain’t from no shark attack_ , Mako thought with a pout beneath his mask. _I know what shark bites look like, and they don’t come out all surgical looking. Why would he make up some cockamamie story like that…_

“Hooley Dooley. I’ve never lived in a place that had a laundry machine before,” Jamie murmured in awe as they entered the hallway where the washer was. “I might need ya to show me how to use this stuff, mate. This is all new to me.”

Mako gestured towards a large rubber tub of powder laundry soap with a metal scoop on it next to the washer.

“Well, the machine is tiny compared to the ones downtown, but that’s a lot of soap, Hoggie!” Jamie giggled. “That stuff costs an arm and a leg. If ya wondering why my clothes are always dirty, now ya know. How’d you end up with so much soap anyway?”

“S'homemade,” Mako answered.

“Uh. You made your own soap?” Jamie asked. “How?”

“Mix of that stuff,” Mako pointed to a shelf above them that had an economy size box of borax, baking soda, bars of pink soap, and other cleaning agents on it. 

“That’s ace, Roadie,” Jamie swooned. “Is there anything my best mate can’t do?”

Mako carefully showed Junkrat how to work the washer by scooping some soap into the tray on the machine, and pressing the button to start it up.

“So we’ll check on these clothes in an hour and then hang them up to dry," Jamie said. "What should we do in the meantime? Maybe figure out a better place to hide me treasure?”

“Good idea,” Mako answered. “Got just the place.”

—

They walked back to the main room of the house, stopping to grab the couch cushions of money on the way there. Mako walked over to the far side of the room near the kitchen and stood on a square metal plate that was built into the floor.

“Stand there,” Mako said, pointing to another square metal floor panel across from him. 

“Eh? Why?” Jamie asked, cocking his head as he stepped onto the pressure plate.

As soon as his full weight was on the metal panel, a portion of the wall next to them began to slide open, revealing the entrance to a hidden room. Jamie’s face brightened up as he realized what it was.

“A secret room!?” Jamie gasped excitedly. “Oh my god, you really are some kinda genius. This’ll be great!”

They entered the long narrow space lined with shelving. At the end of it was a large safe and wooden chest. On one of the shelves laid a smaller safe. Beside it was a ledger book.

“My half’s in the big safe. Yer half can go in the small one and this chest. We’ll keep a record of the balance and transactions. Got it?”

“Roger that, Roadie,” Jamie nodded, taking a wrapped stack of cash in his hand. “So... I guess we should count it all right? This is why I need ya help!! To be honest... I have trouble with numbers.”

Jamie's cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

“S’ok,” Mako eased. “Lots of people do.”

They kneeled down on the floor of the crawl space and began to sort through the currency. Out of the corner of his eye, Mako could see Junkrat smiling happily as they counted the stacks and arranged the currency by type.

 _It’s nice to see him in such a good mood_ , Mako thought. _Especially after he was so upset this morning._

—

After they counted the money and recorded the amounts in the log book (followed by Mako taking a picture of it with his tablet to keep a digital record), they hung the laundry up to dry. With the bulk of the days work behind them, Junkrat and Roadhog stood in the laundry room deciding their next order of business.

“So... It's probably time for me to shower now then, eh," Jamie said, his nose scrunched up. "And brush me teeth and what not. Is there enough hot water left, ya think?”

Mako nodded in response.

 _While he’s busy in there, I’ll get a spare blanket and pillow out of storage and start setting up his bed on the couch_ , he thought, as he reached for a towel from the small stack in the laundry room. Anxiety began to trickle through him at the realization that Jamie moving in was becoming reality. _Geez, I guess I really am gonna have a house mate. A little nerve wracking, after having the house to myself for ten years. I_ really _hope I don’t regret this..._

He handed the towel to Jamie as they walked over to where the only washroom in the house was, and Mako motioned for Jamie to enter.

“I'll admit, I never liked showering much, but for you, I’ll give it a go,” Jamie said with his head held high as he entered the washroom.

Barely a second after the door closed behind Jamie, it burst open again, and his bright eyed, grinning face appeared through the doorway.

“Oh my god I can’t believe you have a bathtub!” He cried excitedly. “What is this, _the Ritz_!?! Homely as it all is, this place is practically paradise for me.”

Mako couldn't help but smile behind his mask as he watched Jamie disappear behind the door again. It was endearing, the childlike excitement Jamie had for little things that Mako took for granted every day.

—

After his shower, Jamie emerged from the washroom wearing Mako’s pajama pants, which were a little loose on him, but managed to stay on with the help of the drawstring. All of Jamie’s belongings had been cleared away and put in their right place. The cooler that Jamie had been using in the shack was now resting on the kitchen sink, having had the dirt and grime washed off it by Mako. The beers that were once inside it had been placed in the fridge.

“Hey, you cleaned this for me!?” Jamie noted excitedly as he pranced over to where the cooler was, and took it into in his hands. “Cheers! Crikey, it looks brand new! Let's put some drinks in it and keep it in my part of the house!"

Jamie opened the fridge and began to transfer the drinks into the cooler, before stopping suddenly and looking up at Mako.

"I mean... assuming I have my own room of course," he said sheepishly. "I would even sleep on the floor if that's all you got for me."

"Your room's upstairs," Mako said. Jamie flashed him an ecstatic grin before going back to shoving beer cans and ice into his little cooler.

Once he was done in the fridge, Jamie followed Mako up to the loft area, cooler in hand. Mako pointed towards the couch, where a pillow and folded blanket were resting.

“Oh, so _this_ is where I’ll be living!” Jamie murmured excitedly. Mako nodded. Jamie placed the cooler of drinks next to the couch and immediately picked up the blanket, wrapping it around himself dramatically as if it were a cape. He gasped in shock as he felt the fleecy fabric against his skin.

“Holy fuck! This blanket is so soft!” He pulled the blanket over his head and cuddled his face against the fabric. He then took the pillow in his hands. “And a pillow too? A whole room to me self? Blimey, it's my lucky day. Thank you so much!”

“Mmm,” Mako hummed, nodding his head in appreciation. Jamie gleefully fluffed the pillow and placed it at the edge of the couch, then took a step back to look over his bed and the rest of his room.

Anxiety began to gnaw at Mako as he stood at the entrance to the loft, contemplating his next move. _Hm... Guess I should leave him alone so he can enjoy his new room? Or does he want to keep hanging out? Is he sick of me yet? This part of being around friends is tricky for me... I never know what the right thing to do is._

Before he could silently agonize any further, Jamie's voice chimed in with a suggestion.

“Oi, Roadie! Even though this is my room, we can hang out in here too!” Jamie insisted. “Your TV’s in here, after all. We can watch TV and have drinks and relax together like real best mates! Wanna watch somethin' with me right now?”

“Okay.”

“All-right!” Jamie said jubilantly. He took the remote in his hands from where it was resting on the floor, and sat down on the couch, the blanket loose around his shoulders.

“Can I try workin’ the telly?" he asked, holding the remote high, as Mako took a seat on the couch next to him. "I always wanted to press the buttons on one of these. The only time I get to watch TV is when I’m in a bar that has one.”

"Sure."

Jamie babbled gleefully as he flipped through the four satellite channels the TV was able to receive over and over again, commenting on the different programs, cartoons, and commercials that caught his eye. After a while, Mako’s eyes wandered over to Jamie’s chest, peeking through the fabric of the blanket. Now that he had showered and the layers of dirt and grime had been removed, his scars were even more pronounced.

 _What_ are _those scars from anyway...? If they're not from a shark attack..._ Mako thought idly.

His eyes traced over them, and he tried to remember where he had seen scars like that before.

_Hmm... They're not heart surgery scars. It almost looks like he used to have tits or somethin’…_

Suddenly a lightbulb went off in Roadhog’s head as he realized that _is_ what the scars were from.

 _Oh_. Mako realized. _Ohhhhh. I wouldn’t’ve guessed. He’s taller than most trans guys I’ve met. Does that mean he lied about the scars ‘cuz he doesn’t want me to know he’s trans? Guess that makes sense. Lotta assholes around here..._

Roadhog thought about what he knew of Jamie’s background so far.

_He said he was from the junkyard trailer camp. You can get beat up in that part of town just for being queer. He must’ve had it rough growing up trans there. Kinda hurts that he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth, but maybe he doesn’t feel that safe with me yet. It’s not like I ever told him about being queer myself..._

His mind wondered what lengths Junkrat must have had to go to in order to get access to such a surgery given the apocalyptic hellscape they were currently living in.

 _I know one thing_ , Mako thought. _No way he got top surgery from one of the medics in town. Gotta go to a real hospital for something like that. Wonder how he pulled that off… They look pretty recent. Probably had to dig into some of the treasure money to do it._

Mako thought about it for a moment. Even the nano biotic technology that was seemingly ubiquitous in the rest of the world was hard to come by where they lived, which is why Roadhog had been forced to create ‘hogdrogen’ in the first place. Then there was the question of hormones, which Mako suspected required a certain level of ingenuity to obtain, just like many other things in Junkertown. 

_Impressive_ , Mako thought. _He managed to go through all that, while having nowhere to live and everything else. Jamie is more... resilient than I thought he was. Maybe there’s more to this ‘idiot’ than meets the eye._

A sudden thought occurred to Mako that sent a pin through his heart.

 _He was homeless when he was recovering from the surgery, then…?_ His brow creased in concern beneath his mask. _Was he alone..? I’m the only one close to him, as far as I know. Must’ve sucked, no one being there to take care of him during a time like that. Seems like he’s been through so much…_

Suddenly Mako had the feeling he was being watched, and his gaze lifted to see Jamie looking at him with a dreamy smile on his face. Mako felt butterflies in his stomach at the sight.

“Hey, mate, you wanna beer?” Jamie asked. “If I’m moving in, then this is kinda my moving in party, innit?! Have a lil drinky and a lil smoky with me!”

Mako nodded, and Jamie leaned down and opened the cooler that had once served as his tiny refrigerator in the shed. Lifting a can from the pile, Jamie popped open the tab and handed it to Mako.

Mako reached back and unclipped the lower straps of his mask, loosening the chin part of it, it so he could raise the can to his lips. Out of the corner of his eye, Mako could see Jamie leaning forward, trying to get a glimpse under the mask. A pit of anxiety formed in Mako's belly, and he turned his face away from Jamie.

_Shit. I didn’t think about the fact that him living here means he’ll see me without my mask. He’ll be the only one in a long time. Wonder what he’ll think…_

“Hey Roadie,” Jamie piped up. “If we’re livin’ together, does that mean I’ll get to see ya with ya mask off sometime?”

Mako’s heart started pounding hard.

 _Christ, it’s like he read my mind. I like that I don't need to use a lot of words to communicate with him, but sometimes it kinda freaks me out how well he can pick up on what I'm thinking_. He nervously looked over at Jamie, who was peering at him from across the couch.

“Hmhh,” Mako sighed with a defeated grunt. 

_Guess I might as well rip this bandaid off now…_

Jamie watched at the edge of his seat as Roadhog reached up and unclipped the upper straps of his mask, causing it to fall loose on his head. Mako then took one hand and pulled the mask away, revealing his rugged, battle worn face. Their eyes met for a moment, before Mako nervously averted his gaze to the floor.

Jamie gasped audibly, his eyes growing wide as he took in the details of Mako’s face. In his peripheral vision, Mako could see Jamie looking from the top of Mako's head, down to his chin, and back. Slowly, a smile began creeping its way across Jamie’s features. He clasped his his hands together around his beer can in front of his chest, his cheeks reddening as he began to giggle.

“Hooley Dooley!” Jamie gushed. “Oh my god, your _face_!” 

“What.” Mako’s cheeks reddened, and he swallowed nervously, looking back up at Jamie. He wasn’t sure how to interpret the other man's giggly response. Was he being laughed at?

“Don't be shy, Roadie! Hope it’s not weird to say you’re actually pretty handsome! Who knew my best mate was secretly cute this entire time?!” Jamie laughed, shoving Roadhog’s belly playfully.

Mako felt confused for a moment, his mind unable to believe the words that had come out of Jamie’s mouth. He was convinced it must be a joke at his expense. A blush stained his cheeks.

“Uh. ‘Cute’…? With _this_ underbite?” Mako laughed awkwardly, pointing at the lower canine teeth that protruded like tiny tusks from his lower lip.

Jamie's eyes bulged as he gaped at Mako incredulously.

“Whatta ya _talking_ about!? You mean the shark teeth? What the _**fuck**_ , mate, that’s like the coolest part a ya whole bloody _face_!” Jamie shrieked earnestly, his voice getting more high pitched with each sentence. 

Mako felt a smile tug at his lips and he started laughing deep in his belly, his body doubling over slightly as the laughter moved through him. Something about Jamie’s screechy voice, combined with what he was saying, was inherently amusing to Mako.

“Well, I’m glad someone ‘round here thinks I’m funny,” Jamie giggled. His eyes sparkled as he looked over Mako's face again.

“Oh and don’t even get me started on the nose ring!” Jamie continued, squeezing his fingers around his own septum, indicating which piercing he was referring to. “You’re like a dreamy rockstar with ya tattoos and piercings and the sweet outfits you always wear! God, could you be any cooler!? Not to mention the one of a kind motorcycle ya got downstairs. Can't wait till we finish building my side car, then I can customize it too, and we can go on rides together!”

 _Dreamy..?_ Mako thought, struggling to take all of Jamie's praise in. _He can’t be serious. Can he?_

“Don’t get me wrong though, mate. The way you look with the mask on is cool as fuck too. It’s just like I said the day you rescued me from the bar. I knew there was somethin’ about you. I got a sixth sense about this kinda thing, Roadie,” Jamie tapped the side of his head for emphasis. “I could tell you were special!” 

Mako felt his heart melt at Jamie’s loving words.

 _Maybe him living here is gonna be alright_ , he thought with a tentative smile. _Yeah. We’re gonna be fine._

"This party needs food," Mako murmured. "Wanna order Chinese?"

"Roadieeee," Jamie sang, squirming excitedly, "You must be reading my mind right now!"

—

Hours after they had started their “moving in party”, Mako was woken up by the feeling of pain shooting through his neck, and he realized he had fallen asleep on the couch. He looked down to see his arm around Jamie, who was cuddled up against him, prosthetic arm flung across Mako’s belly, head resting against Mako's chest.

 _That's actually kind of cute,_ Mako thought, as he looked over Jamie's peacefully sleeping face _. Guess I should tuck him in and move to my own bed..._

Mako gently began to peel Jamie’s body off of his own, causing Jamie to jerk awake. 

“Ey, mate,” Jamie croaked dreamily, as he struggled to keep his eyes open. “Guess we musta fallen asleep… I should take off my arm, now that I think of it... Slept with it on last night.”

Mako carefully guided Jamie to lying down on the couch. As Jamie fumbled with removing his prosthetic arm, Mako layered the blanket over Jamie’s body.

“Aww Roadie, you’re just the best,” Jamie gushed, head falling back on the pillow as he cuddled the blanket around him. “This might be the most comfy place I've had to sleep in years. Thank you so much for all this. I feel like the luckiest man alive. It’s the little things like this that make life worth living.”

“No problem.”

Before he could leave, Jamie's hand reached out and grabbed Mako's arm, getting his attention.

“I mean it, mate. You won’t regret this," Jamie insisted earnestly. "I am gonna be the best house guest you ever had in ya life. Cross my heart. Actually, I reckon you and me living together is gonna be fun. You had fun hangin’ out with me tonight, didn’t ya?”

“Mm-hm,” Mako nodded. "Sure did."

Their eyes met in the darkness, and Mako's vision focused on Jamie’s brow. For some reason he couldn’t explain, he felt the urge to lean down and plant a kiss on Jamie’s head. Instead, he just offered a shy smile.

“Goodnight, Roadie,” Jamie whispered as his eyes slid shut.

“Night, Jamie.”

_***flashback over*** _

***time: present day [same day as the last chapter left off]***

The sun was setting on Junkertown. Mako was relaxing in his chair on the back porch with a cup of tea, blinking tears from his eyes as he revisited the memory of the day that Jamie moved in. After sharing his bed with Jamie the previous night, they had spent the day working on their respective projects. It almost felt like things were finally going back to normal after the traumatic mission that sent Jamie into a months long depression spiral had disrupted their routine.

 _Things have changed between us so much since the day Jamie moved in,_ Mako thought. _We're closer now._ _It’s funny how I had a gut feeling that he should be living here with me, and I was right. The truth is, him sleeping on the couch never felt quite right either, did it? Feels like we were always meant to share the bed. Maybe that'll become a regular thing..._

In the distance, Mako heard the sound of water hitting tiled floor, from the shower springing to life.

 _He’s taking a shower, eh_..? Mako thought absentmindedly. _That’s a little unusual. Guess he must be in a good mood..._

—

  
Meanwhile, Junkrat stood in their bathroom, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Having spent the day making and testing new explosives for the first time in weeks, he was covered in a thin layer of soot and dirt. Although he was usually lackadaisical about cleanliness, especially since being assaulted, he was feeling extra motivated in light of recent events.

 _I hope Roadie’ll “cuddle” with me again tonight_ , he thought to himself gleefully, hands clasped together, fidgeting in anticipation. _If I’m all dirty like this, he might not want me in his bed. I wanna be on my best behavior for him. So I’ll make myself squeaky clean! He's gonna be so impressed with me._

Junkrat leaned down and carefully undid the attachment on his prosthetic leg, stepping out of it, and into the shower. He placed the leg up against the wall outside the shower stall. He then removed his metal arm, carefully putting it aside with his leg. Sliding the curtain closed, he stepped into the warm spray of the shower and let it cascade over him, running through his hair and over his shoulders, rinsing away the evidence of the day.

 _Hmm. I guess showering ain’t_ so _bad_ , he thought, as he watched tiny bits of soot that had once been on his body swirl down the drain. _This feels kinda nice._

He began to soap himself up, and his mind wandered to the events that had recently transpired. He got to wake up next to Roadhog and then they ate breakfast together. 

_Who knew Roadie was such a sweetie_ , he thought dreamily. 

Junkrat dug his soapy fingers into his hair, fingertips massaging against his scalp. His cheeks reddened and his heart felt tingly as he remembered the feeling of Roadhog’s huge hand caressing the top of his head earlier that morning. 

_Did that really happen, or did I dream it?_ Jamie thought in disbelief. _It seems too good to be true. Since when does Roadie do stuff like that? I thought he’d like me not hangin’ around him all the time anymore, but between the head pets and him making me tea and all that it feels more like he missed me or somethin’._

Jamie’s heart skipped a beat at the idea that Mako had missed his company. It was very unusual for Roadhog to give such an intimate touch. Jamie pressed his own much smaller hand to the top of his head, trying in vain to recreate the feeling. 

_It’s not the same_ , he sighed. Jamie reached his arm around his body, soaping up his torso. _I love when Roadie hugs me and pets my head ‘n’ all that stuff. I wish he would do stuff like that all the time..._

Now covered in soap bubbles, Jamie placed the soap back in its dish and stood under the water, letting it rain over him. As the water started to rinse the soap away, Jamie’s mind began to wander.

 _Hmm… I bet it would be fun to shower with Roadie..._ he mused _._ Suddenly a thought struck him. _I haven’t had a wank in a long while, have I..?_

While in the throes of depression, Jamie had lost all interest in sex. Just the idea of sharing his body with anyone after what had happened nauseated him. The overwhelming despair had made his libido easy to ignore up until now, but thinking about Roadhog made him want to try touching himself once again.

Jamie's hand fell between his thighs, and he dragged his fingers back and forth against his clit. 

_I want Roadie to touch me like this..._

At the thought of Mako, Jamie's clit slowly started to become engorged. His insides tingled as he imagined that Mako was standing behind him in the shower, big belly pressed fully into the small of Jamie’s back. Jamie pictured that it was Roadhog’s huge hand between his thighs, holding his smaller torso in place. A blush stained Jamie's cheeks, and a smile quirked at the corners of his mouth, his clit throbbing at the thought. 

“Ah… Roadie...”

He pressed two fingertips inside himself, trying to imagine what it would be like if it were Roadhog’s massive hand instead. Even two of his fingers didn’t seem comparable to one of the larger man’s. Still, Jamie rubbed his thumb against his clit and pressed his fingers just a hint deeper, hesitantly seeking out a sweet spot or angle that would inspire pleasure. 

He imagined Roadhog’s other hand at his throat. Mako's “shark teeth” (as Jamie affectionately called them) were latched on to the back of Jamie’s neck, nibbling gently.

“Ohh god..." Junkrat moaned to himself softly. "Feels so good…”

At that instant, a memory pierced through his fantasy like a knife, and Jamie winced, his breath stopping as he heard a voice in his head.

_You’re ugly as sin, but your pussy feels good._

Jamie’s mind went blank for a moment. His vision started to blur, and his breath shortened as a wave of nausea hit him. Tears filled his eyes at the mental image of his assault flashing into his head, clear as a photograph. For a brief second, Jamie felt as though he had been forcibly plucked from the safety of the shower, and plunged into the exact moment of the attack. He inhaled sharply at the paranoid feeling that his rapist was somehow there in the room with him. The attacker's voice echoed in Jamie’s head, sounding as real as if it were happening again.

 _No no no! Why did I have to think about him now?_ Jamie wondered helplessly. _It's like he's stuck in me head! Will this happen every time I wanna cum?_ Panic began to flood through his veins and suddenly, Jamie felt it become harder to breathe.

 _Why can't I breathe..?_ He curled a hand at his throat. _Why do I feel so sick..? What's wrong with me?!_

Jamie's hand reached down and fumbled with the tap, somehow managing to turn the shower off. He braced himself against the wall and hurriedly hopped out of the shower on his one leg, a feeling of dizziness starting to seep into his head. Heart pounding in his ears, he blindly reached for a towel and managed to tug one off the washroom's wall rack and tie it loosely around his waist. The steam in the room suddenly felt suffocating, and all at once he had the feeling it was too hot. A sob escaped his throat, his face crumpled, his body felt weak, and the room around him felt like it was spinning. Junkrat lost his center of gravity and stumbled onto his hand and knee with a pound, knocking over his prosthetic limbs and sending them clattering across the tiled floor. Jamie wanted to cry out for help, but his voice felt stuck.

After a few moments of Jamie squirming in nauseating agony, there was a tap on the door.

“Jamie..?” Mako asked from outside, a hint of concern in his voice. “You fall…?”

Jamie curled his body into a fetal position.

_I can’t talk. I can’t do this. I’m freaking out. I don't want Roadie to find me like this. But I need his help. I don't know what to do!_

—

“Rat?” Mako pounded on the door again, harder this time. He had heard a crash, but there was no verbal answer from Jamie.

“Rat!”

Still no answer.

 _Fuck it_ , Mako thought. _I’m going in there._

Mako opened the door to find Jamie curled up on the floor with a towel around him, his hand at his throat, gasping for air.

“I can’t br—“ sputtered Junkrat. 

Without thinking, Mako's huge hands found their way to Jamie's torso and he quickly heaved the smaller man's body up off the floor and over his shoulder, dashing across the main room of the house, past the kitchen, and over to the bed. He threw Jamie onto the bed and reached over him for the extra gas mask that was perched on the headboard. Mako quickly reached under the bed to retrieve a can of hogdrogen and then punched it onto the mask and shoved the mask up against Junkrat’s face. As the can popped into place, Jamie gasped for air, and the medicine began flowing, opening up his airways. 

All at once, a haze settled over Junkrat’s head. The tension in his body dissipated, and his eyelids fell shut. He breathed deep, feeling the warm nanites flood his body, mostly circulating through his brain to calm his nervous system. His heart rate slowed. Once he sensed that the medicine had run its course, Jamie opened his eyes to see Mako hovering over him, mask off, concern etched in his features.

“Mate... You’re a life saver...” Junkrat breathed as he finished the canister of hogdrogen, and lifted the mask off his face, still feeling slightly disoriented from the effects of the medicine.

“What happened,” Mako gruffed.

“Crikey... I was just washing off... and then I started freaking out? My heart started beating fast. And my belly hurt. I felt like I couldn’t breathe..? I kinda thought I was going to die. My chest hurt and I felt... I f-felt..?”

“Panic?”

“Yeah!” Jamie blinked blearily. “Shit is that what a panic attack feels like? Fuck me.”

“Hmm.” Mako grunted. “Something happen?”

“Uh...” Jamie’s cheeks reddened with a blush and he looked away from Mako’s gaze. 

_I don’t wanna tell Roadie I was havin’ a wank, especially since I was thinking about him,_ Jamie thought. _I gotta make somethin’ up but this medicine’s got my head all funny._

“Why did I freak out? Uh… I… I d-dunno...” Jamie finished awkwardly, letting his head fall back on the pillow, his eyes falling shut. “It just happened outta nowhere, I guess…”

—

Mako took a step back from the bed to give Jamie some space. It was obvious the other man wasn’t being honest, but Mako didn’t want to pry. Whatever was bothering him, Jamie didn't seem to feel comfortable talking about it. Mako assumed it had something to do with the assault. Why else would Jamie have a panic attack? 

As he ruminated on the events that had just taken place, it suddenly occurred to Mako that Jamie’s towel had fallen loose during their shuffle to get the hogdrogen. He was laying before Mako completely uncovered. 

“Uh... Your towel… Is…” Mako stuttered, not sure how to draw Jamie’s attention to the situation without being awkward. He had never seen Junkrat naked before. 

Jamie’s skin, often covered by layers of soot and dirt, was clean and visible. His head was thrown back against the pillow, lips parted, his hand tangled in his hair, face relaxed as he soaked up the effects of the medicine. His blond hair was wet and messy against his scalp, his body damp with water droplets, his one and a half legs relaxed open.

Captivated, Mako's eyes wandered over Jamie’s lean body, across his chest scars, down to his belly button. His vision focused on another set of scars across the lowest part of Jamie’s abs, above his pubic area. 

Mako's gaze then found its way to the area between Junkrat’s thighs. A patch of wet blonde hair covered his pubic mound. Just barely visible was his clitoris peeking from between the folds of his sex, nestled between his thighs. The bottom of his leg stump was visibly contrasting with his intact leg, his foot relaxed.

Even though Jamie was slightly thinner than usual, his naked form was a sight that stirred up feelings Mako wasn’t expecting to have. Mako's mouth watered and he swallowed nervously, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. 

_Damn... He cleans up good_ , Mako thought dreamily. _Never thought I’d say this to myself, but he is... beautiful... in his own way. Feels like I’m looking at him for the first time._

As Jamie’s hogdrogen buzz faded, he shivered slightly, feeling cold setting in on his skin. He reached down to pull his towel up and to his horror, he suddenly realized how exposed he was. Jamie’s breath hitched and eyes snapped open. 

_If Roadie sees me like this he’s going to find out I’m trans._

Panic struck Jamie’s heart and he lifted his head to look up at Roadhog, who was looking over his body wordlessly. Suddenly, their eyes met. 

_Fuck!!!_ Jamie quickly yanked the blanket from the bed and pulled it across his body defensively, his face burning beet red.

"W-what the _**fuck**_ _are you looking at?!_ " Junkrat screamed, sitting upright in the bed. 

“...!” Roadhog gasped, then cleared his throat awkwardly, he backed up and turned away, his reddened face tense in embarrassment.

“Er... ah. Um... It's... It's all good. No worries, mate, no worries,” Junkrat stammered, his voice trembling, and he waved his hand dismissively. He scooted himself to the edge of bed, taking the blanket with him, his hands shaking as they clutched the fabric wrapped around him.

“So, uh. Where’s me leg?”

Mako sulked dejectedly back to the bathroom to retrieve the peg leg and metal arm, his heart heavy as he helplessly tried to think of a way to diffuse the tension in the room. 

_What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I have to stare like that?_ he thought bitterly to himself. After picking up Jamie's prosthetics off the washroom floor, he walked back to the bed, unable to meet Jamie's gaze as he made his way across the main room of the house. _God, I'm so dumb…_

Once Mako was back at the bed, Jamie yanked the peg leg and metal arm out of Mako’s hands. He pulled the blanket far enough up to expose his shorter leg and shoved the leg prosthetic in place on his thigh, quickly fastening the attachments. The sound of blood rushing in his ears made it easy to dissociate from the reality of what had just happened.

“Um, er— well, goodnight!” Jamie blurted. All at once he jumped to standing and made a bee line for the stairs that lead up to the loft, the blanket billowing around him. 

“Um—“ Roadhog started before stopping abruptly.

As he watched Jamie practically running away from him, Mako felt the sinking feeling of regret trickle through him, until he couldn't bear to stand anymore, and he found himself seated on the edge of his bed. He wanted to offer his bed to Junkrat again, but now he wasn't sure if he should. Unintentionally or not, he had made Jamie uncomfortable. 

Mako's hands came up to rub his brow in frustration. 

_Why did I do that..?_ Mako squeezed his fists in front of his chest in self disgust as he tried to unravel the thought process that had lead him to this moment. He defeatedly took off his trousers in preparation for sleep, letting his clothes drop haphazardly onto the floor next to the bed. He took the mask that had been on Jamie's face only a few minutes ago and pulled it over his own head. He frowned, his heart aching as he remembered the look of anger that had been on Jamie’s face when he had caught Mako staring.

_Why couldn’t I just stop? Why did I have to stare like that? Ugh. I suck…_

He reached up for the air hose and hooked his mask to it, then reached below the bed and turned the air flow on.

 _I just... froze. I wasn’t expecting to like seeing him naked so much_ , Mako thought helplessly. _I always thought he was kind of cute but... Fuck_. _That's no excuse… I would be mad too if I were him. Sometimes I really hate myself... I shouldn't be around other people. This is why I deserve to be alone._

His mind wandered to the still fresh memory of Jamie, relaxed, on his back on the same bed Mako was now laying on, his full body visible from head to toe. Mako couldn't put his finger on the exact reason why, but there was something perfect about Jamie's body.

 _I never thought this could happen to me, but..._ , Mako thought, his heart fluttering. _I just… Could_ **not** _stop looking at him. Can’t deny that seeing him like that made me feel… Things I haven’t felt in a long while…_

As Mako drifted in and out of sleep, the mental image of Jamie sitting across from him at their breakfast nook popped into his head. Jamie’s flushed face holding a cup of coffee to his chin, flashing a glowing smile as he gushed about how much he loved being able to sleep in Mako’s bed. 

_Damn, when he smiles like that_... Mako thought with a grin. _He brightens up my whole day. Shit... That sounds stupid, but it's just true. I missed seeing him smile. I never really thought about it till now, I guess since he was always smiling before. But after what happened, he always looked sad or emotionless. It’s like I forgot what his smile looks like._

Mako’s mind lingered on the surgical looking scars above Jamie’s pubic area. _I didn’t know he had those there. I wonder what they're from._

He thought about it for a moment, when a sudden realization struck him.

 _Wait_ , Mako realized, his eyes snapping open beneath his sleep mask. _Could he be upset because he thinks he outed himself to me? We never really talked about him being trans. Maybe he’s never mentioned it because he’s afraid of how I’ll react. I shoulda thought of that. Jamie talks to me about damn near everything,_ except _being trans… I guess because even after all we’ve been through, he doesn’t want me to know. Maybe he doesn't trust me enough yet. And why should he? Ugh… I’m such an idiot._

Roadhog's breathing slowed and his eyes fluttered shut as sleep slowly began to overtake him.

_What a mess. Gotta find a way to make this up to him…_

—

Jamie collapsed face down onto his couch in the loft, heart pounding fast as panic, shame, and hurt pulsed through his veins from the events that had just transpired. His face crumpled and he felt tears begin to well in his eyes.

 _Fuck fuck fuck_ , he thought. _Not only did Roadhog have to come save my pathetic arse yet again, he saw everything and now he knows I’m trans!_

Jamie’s trembling hands curled into fists at the sides of his head and he clawed at his hair in frustration. His mind scrambled to process what had just happened. It was hard for him not to overthink the entire interaction between him and Mako. Jamie had been coming down from the hogdrogen rush for a bit there - _how come Roadie doesn’t get fucked up when he uses it anyway?? Is it just because he’s so much bigger than me?_ Then once the medicine’s effects settled and he realized how exposed he was, he had looked up to see Mako looking over his body.

 _Looking at my cunt to be exact_ , thought Jamie, horrified. _There’s no way he didn't see!_

Gasping for air, Jamie curled onto his side on the couch and closed his eyes, frantically trying to picture what Roadhog’s expression had been like during the ordeal. _What face was he making when he saw me..?_

Through the cloud of fear, it was difficult for Jamie to remember. Without thinking about it too hard, Jamie immediately came to the conclusion that Mako’s muted, stoic reaction had to have been negative. 

_Seemed to me he looked maybe a little... disgusted?_ Fresh tears fell from Jamie’s eyes at the thought. _Of course he would be. Who the fuck wants to see my ugly arse naked!?_ _Roadie doesn't even like to hug me, he's so grossed out by me._ _This probably just made him even more disgusted._ _He didn't say anything. And he didn’t ask if I wanna share the bed!_ Junkrat pounded his fist against his chest in despair as his heart broke at the thought, and the silent sobs began to shake him. He had spent all day eagerly hoping he’d be invited to share Mako's bed again. Jamie felt crushed at the realization that by trying to increase his chances of being closer to Roadhog, he had actually somehow ended up further away from him. 

_I fuck everything up!!_ _...What if Roadie doesn’t look at me the same way he used to?_ Jamie's brows knitted together in anxiety. _What if we stop being best mates..? What if he doesn't want me to live here anymore!?!!_ The thoughts were piling up in Jamie’s head faster than he could process them. 

Jamie pulled his knees up to his chin in a fetal position, arms curled into his chest, struggling to silence his gasping voice as he cried. He couldn’t help but feel that somehow, from beyond the grave, his rapist had forcibly outed him by causing the panic attack in the first place. Though the assault was over, the memory of what happened hung over him like a shadow every day, ready to descend at any moment and submerge him back into the feelings of powerlessness and shame he felt about the assault. 

_Not being able to sleep was bad enough_ , Jamie thought as the tears fell. _Now I find out I can't even have a wank without thinking about this shite?!_

Jamie pulled the blanket around his head and shoulders, burrowing himself in it, grasping at anything that might provide him with a tiny bit of comfort. He sniffed tears away, and his heart melted as he realized the blanket was covered in Roadhog’s scent. 

_Oh god... I stole this off his bed, didn't I_ , Junkrat thought. He gathered handfuls of the blanket in his hands and buried his face in the soft fabric, inhaling deeply, desperately trying to hold on to the warm, safe feeling Mako's familiar scent usually inspired. Instead, he was overwhelmed with fear at the idea that their relationship as he knew it would change for the worse.

 _What's going to happen to me? What if tomorrow he decides he doesn’t want me around anymore?_ Tears fell down Jamie's face, his hand clasped over his mouth. _I love Roadie so much! I need him! I’m scared of being without him. Every time something good happens to me I manage to go and fuck it up!_

 _"_ Fucking hell _..."_

Jamie rolled onto his belly, buried his face in his pillow, and sobbed. He sobbed in mourning for the loss of his old self, the carefree version of him that had been taken away the day he was raped.


	6. Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fearing the worst, Jamie contemplates running away from home. Mako is forced to come to terms with his feelings. Content Warning: Chapter contains "lime" (hint of NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!! Happy new year! Thank you for all your loving comments on the last chapter and sorry this one took so long! I have drafts for most of the chapters but this one I had to pretty much rewrite from the ground up. Plus the holidays are always a difficult time for me. I hope to be updating more regularly now. Also please note I am drawing fanart for this story but its taking me a lot longer than writing so pls check out my twitter to see it! The art I put in this chapter is an unfinished sketch lol. Enjoy!

**[Content Warning: Chapter contains lime (hint of NSFW)]**

Junkrat was curled up in a ball on his couch, blanket wrapped around him, body trembling with fear. His eyes glanced over to the clock. It was well past his bedtime, but he knew sleep was not an option.

_We’ve been best mates and business partners for a while, but I never told Roadie about being trans,_ Jamie thought worriedly. _I even told him that silly story about being attacked by a shark. What if he’s no different from all the fuckers back home, and he decides he hates me now? Is this gonna be like what happened when me mum and dad found out?!_

Jamie flinched at the thought, and for a second pure panic filled his heart, his mind running wild overthinking the situation.

_What do I do?_ Jamie fretted to himself, pulling at his own hair in frustration. _I just wanna run away._

Suddenly, Jamie’s eyes darted up to his favorite hoodie, a dark grey one decorated with different patches, hanging on a hook on the wall.

_Maybe I_ should _just run away..? He can’t throw me out if I run away first..._

—

A short walk downstairs later, and Jamie was standing in the entryway to their house, dressed in his hoodie and a pair of sweatpants.

_It’s no good to try and stay here, right..?_ Jamie thought as he stumbled through the darkness. _Running away is definitely the best thing for both of us. I lived outside before and it’ll be no big deal to do it again. Roadie will be glad to get rid of me… He never liked me anyways. Yeah. I’m actually doing him a favor by leaving!_

Jamie looked down to fasten the zipper of his hoodie, when his eye caught a flash of white on his chest, peeking through the darkness. His hands froze. On each side of the zipper was a collection of fabric patches, running horizontal across his chest. A couple patches were made by Jamie, featuring the signature smiley face design he often painted onto the bombs he made - but some of them had been gifts from Roadhog. More visible than the others in the dim light, was a small square with a checkerboard pattern, identical to the one stitched to Roadhog’s vest. 

Releasing the zipper, Jamie clasped a hand over his mouth, and his eyes squeezed shut as a memory surfaced in his mind.

—

**_[flashback]_ **

Jamie was seated at the table having a morning snack of toast and coffee, when Mako entered the main room of the house, mask on his face, his hand holding Jamie’s plain dark grey zipper hoodie that had been pulled from the pile of clean and dry clothes. 

“Whatcha got my laundry for, mate?”

Mako gestured to the chest area of the jacket, then down to the front pocket, poking his finger through the individual holes that were worn into each location. Jamie had been willing to part with some of the belongings that Mako considered “trash”, but he twisted his face at the idea of getting rid of the zip up sweater.

“Hey now, that’s my favorite hoodie!” Jamie insisted. “I found it in the junkyard. Hope ya not trying to say I should get rid of it just cuz of a few holes.”

“Can’t go around with holes in yer pockets,” Mako gruffed. “That’s how ya lose money.”

“Roadie! That’s a perfectly good hoodie! Ya not gonna make me throw it away are ya?!” Jamie whined. He hugged his arms around himself for emphasis. “I like it cuz it’s nice and soft! Soft clothes like that are hard to come by ‘round here. It’s practically the only type o’ thing I can stand to wear cuz I hate the feeling of scratchy shirts on me. Why do ya think I’m not wearin’ a shirt most o’ the time!? Don’t throw away the only really soft thing I ‘ave!”

“Hm.” Mako was contemplative for a moment. He walked past where Jamie was sitting at the breakfast nook, heading to the closet in the back room, and returned with a sewing basket that looked small in his huge hands.

“Whatcha got now?” Jamie asked as Mako took his seat at the table.

Mako tapped one of the patches on his vest demonstrably, then reached up to lift his mask so it was resting against his forehead, exposing his face. Jamie’s heart fluttered as his eyes took in the sight of Mako without a mask. Even though it had been a few days since the first time he saw Mako without a mask, Jamie was still in awe of his features.

Mako reached into the sewing kit and grabbed onto a needle, holding it up for Jamie to see.

“Oi that’s a good idea,” Jamie observed. “Stitching up the split seams and covering up the holes ay? I didn’t know you could sew!”

Mako nodded, and reached for a spool of black thread. His hands carefully thread the needle, clipped the thread, then tied it off. Jamie watched in awe as Mako pierced the needle into the front pocket, and little by little, the small tears were repaired. Then Mako’s hand moved to pick up a checkerboard patch from a pile of scraps in the sewing basket. One by one, the holes were covered with patches, lovingly hand sewn into place by Mako’s surprisingly nimble fingers.

“Hm,” Mako handed Jamie back the jacket, now repaired.

“Hooley Dooley! This is ace!” Jamie cried excitedly, as he put the hoodie on one sleeve at a time. He cuddled the sleeves against his face, grinning blissfully. “Now my hoodie looks way cooler! I wanna make some patches to put on it too, alright? Thank you, Roadie!”

_**[flashback over]** _

—

As the memory faded away, tears began to fill up behind Jamie’s eyes and he was overcome with a mixture of emotions. A silent sob shook his body and he curled the trembling hand in front of his face into a fist, struggling not to crumple into a pile on the floor.

_Roadie fixed the holes in my clothes_ , Jamie remembered. _Not just this hoodie, he helped me with my shorts ’n’ all me other clothes too. He picked these patches so we could match!_

Jamie turned to look back at the darkened main room of their wearhouse-turned-home, half doubled over in heartbreak, his vision blurred with tears. 

_This is the first place I could really say is my home_ , he thought, as the tears fell from his eyes and he swallowed back a sob. _I love Roadie more than anything in the world. He’s part of me. I don’t want to leave, but... I feel like I need to run away...? I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared it’s hard to think. It’s hard to… breathe. I’m losing my fucking mind._

Jamie rubbed his face with his hands, and his silent sobs began to subside as his vision slowly focused on the kitchen in front of him, the sole illuminated area of the house, lit up by the small light over the fridge, apparently left on by Roadhog. The canister of chamomile was still resting next to the solo burner on the table, from when Roadhog had made Jamie a cup of tea the previous night. 

_Roadie made me tea_ , Jamie remembered, his heart fluttering. _That was really sweet of him, wasn’t it? A cup of tea would be so soothing right now... Yeah. That’s what I need. Just thinking about drinking one makes me feel a little better._

Jamie hobbled through the dark room, over to the stove, and took the yellow canister in his hands, his eyes tracing over the floral artwork on the exterior. He gingerly removed the lid and peeked inside, expecting to find teabags, but instead he was greeted by a mass of dried tea leaves and shriveled up flowers. He frowned and put the lid back on with a snap, placing the tin back on the table.

_I wonder what Roadie really thought tonight, when he saw me in the nuddy_ , Jamie’s cheeks burned red thinking about it. _From the look on his face, I just know he must’ve been disgusted by me._ Jamie sniffed, choking back a sob. He hugged his arms around himself in an attempt to self-soothe. 

_I just want someone to hold me and make me a cup of tea and tell me everything’s gonna be okay..._

The room around him suddenly brightened, and Junkrat’s train of thought stopped, his heart beating fast as he realized someone had turned the overhead lights on. His eyes widened and he quickly turned around to see Mako behind him, standing next to the bed, with a hand on the light switch. Mako’s mask was off and his brown eyes were squinting to adjust to the lights being on.

_Shit_ , Jamie thought, swallowing nervously, his breathing becoming short. He hadn’t been thinking of the sound of his peg leg against the floor until that very moment.

“Uh. H-hi, Roadie,” Jamie stammered, quickly turning away from Mako to wipe the tears off his face with the sleeves of his hoodie. He felt humiliated at the idea that Mako had seen him crying, but he was doing his best to brush it off and act like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Mako approached where Junkrat was standing in the kitchen. The smaller man’s defensive body language spoke volumes. 

_He’s upset_ , Mako thought, his brow creasing in concern. _I gotta make this right._

“Hm..?” He grunted questioningly, looking over Jamie’s hoodie. Why would he be going out at this hour..? Mako wondered. 

“Oh, I, em. I wasn’t going out or anything…. I just put my hoodie on cuz I was cold, that’s all…” Jamie stammered, holding his hands up in a surrendering gesture, his mind scrambling to come up with a quick excuse. His eyes fell on the kettle on the stove.

“…And I came down here cuz I thought, y’know, a cuppa might warm me up,” Jamie continued with a shrug, motioning towards the canister of tea. “Yeah, that’s it. I-I was cold…”

It was not one of Jamie’s best lies, but Mako wasn’t going to question it. His gaze moved to the canister on the stove.

“Want me to make it?” Mako asked softly, a look of gentle concern on his features.

Jamie looked up, his brow tense and eyes wide in a mixture of fear and confusion. Slowly, Jamie’s face relaxed and a hesitant smile began to tug at his lips. Mako breathed a sigh of relief internally. It felt like he had successfully broken the tension in the air between them.

“Oh, er... Yes please,” Jamie answered breathlessly, averting his eyes as his cheeks reddened. “I was hoping you’d make me some. I dunno how to make this leafy stuff... Last time I made tea, it was a regular ol’ bag of Twiming’s and I was making it in a microwave at me mum n’ dads...”

Jamie clenched his jaw. _Shut up you idiot_ , he thought to himself. _Why is it I always gotta ramble at the worst times._

Mako took the canister from the wooden counter and nodded his chin towards the breakfast nook, inviting Jamie to have a seat.

—

Jamie fidgeted at the table nervously. _This almost feels like the first time Roadie made me tea,_ he thought _. I thought for sure I was gonna be fired from being his business partner back then. What if something even worse than that happens now..? But… If he’s making me tea, that’s a good sign, right? Unless... He’s just making it to soften the blow of kicking me out…?!_

Mako carefully prepared a pot of tea to share, adding a hint of sugar and oat milk to each cup. Placing the cups and pot onto a tray, he took the tray into his hands and turned to their breakfast nook.

As he placed the teapot and cups onto the table, Mako glanced over Jamie’s face. His eyes were puffy, and Mako could just barely see the hint of tear streaks. 

_He’s been crying_ , Mako thought, his heart aching.

“Cheers,” Jamie murmured as he took the warm cup between his hands, bringing it to his lips. “You make it way better than I could. No tea I made ever came out as tasty as this.”

“That’s cuz the bagged stuff is shit,” Mako gruffed. “Loose leaf is better.”

“You’ve got that right, mate,” Jamie breathed between sips.

A tense silence fell over them as they drank their tea. Despite Jamie’s outwardly friendly demeanor, the anxiety radiating off of him was noticeable. 

_It’s like he’s afraid of me_ , thought Mako bitterly. _I hate this. It’s up to me to make things right. The tea is a start but I need to say something._

“Jamie...” Mako started hesitantly. 

Jamie glanced up, shakily holding the cup of tea to his lips.

“About earlier…” Mako continued slowly. 

Jamie inhaled softly, his eyes going wide. Their gazes met, and Jamie’s hands began to tremble even worse, tears welling in his eyes, threatening to spill over. His brows knitted together in anxiety as he braced for the possibility of being delivered the worst news of his life. 

“I’m sorry.”

Jamie froze, blinking in confusion. His brows lifted as his mind went blank with shock. His hands drifted downwards until his cup of tea was resting on the table again. 

“I… I’m… S-sorry?” Jamie repeated, baffled.

“For staring,” Mako continued, his cheeks burning red with shame. “It was… rude.”

Jamie’s lips parted in disbelief, and felt his pulse racing. For once, he was speechless. 

“S’no excuse, but…,” Mako continued. “Living alone for so long messes up yer head. Gotta work on… Personal space and… stuff. I wasn’t thinking… Won’t happen again.”

Captivated, Jamie’s brow was tense in concentration as he listened intently to the words coming out of Mako’s mouth. It was more than Mako usually spoke and he wanted to absorb every single syllable.

“Oh... Gotcha. Its… Its ok. I said no worries, mate…,” Junkrat insisted. A part of him was still in disbelief. “And I meant it. No worries.”

“Hm…” Mako sighed, shaking his head. 

Jamie tried to think of something to say. His heart ached as he looked over Mako’s regretful, embarrassed expression. _Roadie really feels that bad..?_ He thought. _Well... Roadie is my best friend isn’t he..? I guess it makes sense now that I think about it. If he’s really my best mate, why would he decide to hate me now?_

“Y’know... I should be thanking you, actually,” Jamie insisted softly. “You came to help me when I was having the panic attack, and you made me tea! I know I can always rely on you ol’ buddy. Can’t let a little scuffle with a towel get between me and my best mate Roadie, now can I..?”

Mako grunted in acknowledgement.

“So… We good?” He asked.

“We were never ‘bad’, mate,” Jamie reassured him. Inside, Jamie was still struggling to process everything.

_Did Roadie really just… apologize to me? He’s… not mad at me? He didn’t even say anything about me being trans._ Jamie was at a loss for what to think. His mind was blank. 

_Then… I guess there’s nothing to worry about_ , he thought, the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears slowly beginning to relax. _Roadie still wants to be friends. Maybe nothing between us will change..?_

It was a lot for Jamie to process at once. Beneath the weight of all the intense emotions flowing through him, combined with the chamomile working its magic, Jamie could feel himself starting to fade. His eyelids began to feel heavy as exhaustion hit him. Everything that had happened that day was too much for him to bear anymore. 

“Crikey that stuff works good,” Jamie murmured blearily, rubbing one eye. “I’m really tired all of a sudden. I gotta head back up, else I might fall asleep right here at the table.”

Mako cleared his throat softly - one of his many nonverbal ways of getting Jamie’s attention. Instantly, Jamie’s gaze darted up to meet his. To Jamie’s surprise, Mako looked to the bed and back to Jamie, a shy smile in his brown eyes sending a silent invitation to share the bed once again.

Jamie inhaled softly as he realized what Mako was trying to say.

“Wait... Really?” Jamie asked. Mako nodded. Still, Jamie was hesitant.

“You really don’t have to share ya bed with me if you don’t want to,” Jamie insisted gently. “I don’t wanna be a bother. I told’ya I’d be a good house mate.”

“I want to,” Mako responded.

Jamie’s heart fluttered, a little gasp escaped his lips, and he clasped his hands together in front of his chin gleefully, his face glowing with a smile.

“Oh thank you, Roadie!“ Junkrat swooned. “This means so much to me!! I'm gonna sleep good tonight. Your bed is so comfy!”

Mako smiled in response, nodding in acknowledgement.

As they stood up to head to bed, Jamie threw his arms around his own torso jokingly. 

“I’d give you a hug if you were the hugging type,” he giggled. “Instead I’ll just hug myself, eh.”

For a moment, Mako felt a stab of disappointment at the fact that he had inadvertently given Jamie the impression that he wasn’t ‘the hugging type’. His mind flashed back to the many times he had shoved Jamie away, both physically and metaphorically. Lately he had been looking back on times like that with a feeling of guilt and regret. 

“I like hugs,” Mako admitted softly, his cheeks reddening. Jamie looked up, his eyebrows lifting in surprise before a smile broke out across his face.

“Oh. Well, then bring it in!” Jamie giggled as he opened his arms welcomingly. “A hug to show that there’s no hard feelings!”

Swallowing nervously, Mako stepped forward and gently enfolded Jamie in his embrace, pulling the smaller man’s body into his arms. Jamie’s arms found their way around Mako’s belly, and their bodies relaxed into one another.

“Hmm,” Jamie hummed blissfully, letting his head rest against Mako’s heart. “That’s the good stuff. I could sleep right here if ya let me.”

As Mako held Jamie close, the image of Jamie’s tear streaked face from just a few minutes ago flashed into his mind, and he grimaced to himself. Mako’s heart broke at the realization that _he_ was the cause of Jamie’s tears.

_I suck_ , Mako thought bitterly. _If I were Jamie, I wouldn’t be so forgiving._

“I… I didn’t mean to make you... sad,” Mako blurted breathlessly, his voice breaking as a feeling of shy embarrassment overwhelmed him. He squeezed his eyes shut, grateful that Jamie couldn’t see his face. He hadn’t really thought about whether or not he should say it, the words escaped his mouth with little control on his part.

There was a brief moment of silence, and Mako wondered helplessly if it had been the wrong thing to say. _This is why I don’t hug_ , he thought sadly. _When I’m close to someone, I get weak and say dumb shit like that_. 

In reality, Jamie was in a state of shock at Mako’s display of vulnerability. Mako’s words, and the sound of his barely restrained voice slowly began to sink in, pulling at Jamie’s heartstrings. 

_He feels bad about making me cry..?_

“Awwww!!” Jamie squealed, squeezing his arms around Mako’s belly lovingly. Mako felt himself relax slightly at Jamie's warm reaction.

“There there, Roadie. I know ya didn’t mean to. I shouldn’t’ve got all bent out of shape about it. Who hasn't accidentally seen their best mate naked at least once, am I right?” He giggled, nuzzling his head against Mako’s chest lovingly. “Besides, if this hadn’t have happened, I might never have found out that you like hugs too! A little crying was worth it to get a hug like this from you.”

Jamie pulled his head back and gazed up at Mako, a bright smile on his face.

“Now let’s go to bed and forget about all this sad stuff,” he said with a pat on Roadhog’s belly. “Okay?”

“Mm,” Mako grunted approvingly, nodding his head, a shy smile quirking at his lips. 

Jamie looked over at the bed, and realized how bare it was with just the sheets on it.

“Oh-!” Jamie said. “I stole the covers off your bed earlier. Sorry about that mate. The blanket‘s still on my couch…”

“I got it,” Mako reassured him with a wave of his hand, heading towards the stairs that led to the loft. “Lie down.”

Junkrat flopped down on the edge of the bed, his hand shaking as he detached his prosthetic arm.

_Roadie actually apologized_ , he thought again, with a flutter in his chest. _I don’t think I’ve ever heard him apologize to anyone for anything. He even hugged me tight. And even better, now we get to cuddle! It doesn’t seem like he’s bothered by me being trans at all. He didn’t even mention it! I thought this was a bad day but it turned out to be my lucky day after all?!_

After setting his prosthetics aside and stripping down to his shorts, Jamie climbed under the top sheet and slid across the bed to make room for Mako. He laid his head back on the pillow, struggling to keep his eyes open. After what seemed like barely a second, he felt the blanket being layered over him and Mako climbed into the bed next to him, their shoulders bumping. 

“Cheers again, mate,” Jamie murmured, as he nestled into the pile of blankets and sheets. “This is heaven. Night night, Roadie.”

“Night night.”

Mako pulled his mask over his face and turned on the oxygen.

_Wonder where he was really gonna go, wearing that hoodie_ , Mako thought as the tiredness began to overtake him. _Hope he wasn’t planning on doing anything stupid…_

—

  
The summer sun was blazing overhead. The sky was clear, painted with the brilliant colors of the sunset, and the wildflowers in the meadow were in full bloom. It was the perfect day for a picnic. Mako was sitting cross legged on his black and white checkered blanket, laid out on the grassy hill. Beside the blanket, a tall broad leaf tree was providing some welcoming shade. To the right of Mako, weighing down one edge of the blanket, was a wicker picnic basket of food.

_So nice out_ , Mako thought, grateful for the wide brim hat on his head, and the shade that the canopy of the tree above them provided. Mako was dressed in one of the few borderline formal outfits he had - an off-white button down long sleeve shirt - cuffs rolled up to his elbows - paired with dark grey slacks, held up by black suspenders, his hair pulled back into a low ponytail. For once, his mask was nowhere in sight and he wasn’t too concerned about it.

He reached over and lifted the half-lid of the picnic basket to see an impossibly delicious looking, but unusually small piece of cheezecake resting on a floral plate. It appeared to be Mako’s favorite recipe - cashew based, graham cracker crust, and topped with whole cherries in a gooey sauce, exactly the way he liked it.

_Fuck yeah._

Mako haphazardly took the slice between his fingers, lifted it to his lips and took a big bite. As he chewed, he looked over to see Jamie relaxing on the blanket a few feet away, admiring the sunset peacefully. Jamie was wearing an outfit Mako had never seen him in before; a light grey and pink patterned waistcoat layered over a long sleeve white shirt with ruffles at the chest and cuffs. On his legs were a lavender pair of fitted knee length trousers with braided gold detail, making him look somewhat like a princeling from a fairy tale. He was wearing a different fingerless glove than usual, white instead of green. In place of his scrap prosthetics, he had on a much more expensive looking, gilded cherry wood arm and peg. His blonde hair was pulled back, and he had a grey newsboy hat on his head.

_Damn, he’s looking good. It’s cute when he puts his hair in a ponytail like that_ , Mako thought as he glanced over Jamie’s face. _And... He looks really good in that outfit. I always did think he cleaned up nice. It’s fun to get dressed up every once in a while..._

Jamie seemed to sense Mako’s gaze, and he turned to look back at him, offering a sunny grin. Mako felt his heart warm at the sight of Jamie’s face, and he smiled in return.

As he licked the crumbs of dessert off his lips, Mako suddenly wondered if Jamie wanted the other half of cake in his hand.

“Hm..?” Mako tipped his head towards fragment of cake, holding it aloft, silently offering Jamie the last bite.

Jamie’s face lit up. Climbing onto his hands and knees, he eagerly crawled across the blanket towards Mako, then grabbed onto the larger man’s forearm with both hands, drawing the cake close to his face. Coming onto his knees, Jamie brought his lips to the cake, eating directly out of Mako’s fingers, his tongue darting out to brush against the tip of Mako’s thumb as he did so.

“O-oh,” Mako stuttered in shock, surprised by Jamie’s unusual flirtatiousness. Jamie just giggled as he swallowed the cake down, rubbing the back of his hand across his mouth to clear away any crumbs, a coy smile on his lips as he sat back on his heels.

_Damn_ , Mako thought, his face flushing as his eyes traveled over Jamie’s body. 

_What is he doing to me right now..?_

As Mako sat in silent admiration, his desire smoldering, Jamie reached forward and grabbed onto Mako’s suspenders, pulling their bodies together playfully. Mako’s vision seemed to blur as they fell in slow motion until they were both lying down, facing each other on the oversized blanket.

Jamie’s eyes were closed, half-gloved hand extended slightly towards Mako, a silent plea to be touched. Mako’s eyes darted from Jamie’s lips, to his hand, and back. Something was telling him to reach across the few feet of space between them, take Jamie’s hands in his own, and plant his lips against Jamie’s.

Before Mako could make a move, the sun dipped behind the clouds, dimming the light around them, and a chill came into the air. The wind began to pick up, lifting the edges of the picnic blanket, scattering leaves and flower petals across them. As the wind became a powerful gust, Mako raised his arm to block the air flow, bracing himself, letting his eyes squeeze shut.

Mako felt a spray of rain hit them, and his eyes squinted open to look for Jamie. He realized that their bodies had drifted closer, and Jamie was huddled against Mako’s chest, shivering, his brow tense as if in pain. Jamie’s prosthetic hand was holding tightly onto the pageboy hat on his head, the other hand clutching at Mako’s chest as he sought shelter in the larger man's closeness.

Mako quickly threw his arms around Jamie’s body, pulling the smaller man into a tight embrace. Jamie’s head tucked under Mako’s chin as he cuddled closer, reveling in the warmth of Mako’s protective arms. The wide brim hat on Mako’s head flew off, taken by the wind - but it didn’t matter, he was focused solely on being a comfort to Jamie.

Suddenly, the wind began to die down. The air stilled, the rain stopped, and the sun emerged from behind the clouds. Both of their bodies relaxed as the sun’s loving warmth embraced them again.

“Ugh. That sucked.” Mako gruffed. “You ok?” 

“Mmmh,” Jamie hummed in response, cuddling close, squeezing his arms around Mako’s belly appreciatively. 

A smile curled at Mako’s lips, and he squeezed Jamie back, burying his nose into the spiky blonde hair at the crown of Jamie’s head, inhaling deeply. He wove his fingertips into the hair at the base of Jamie's neck, massaging in a soothing gesture, eliciting a murmur of contentment from Jamie. 

_He's so cuddly today. I love it..._

For a few moments, Mako just held Jamie close, basking in the pure ecstasy of being able to share a moment with the person that was most precious to him. 

_Being able to hold you feels like a gift..._

Mako’s lips pressed down gently between Jamie’s brows. 

_Because… I love you._

The weight of the words were heavy in his mind, but Mako didn’t feel burdened by them. Instead he felt liberated by finally being able to admit it to himself, and to Jamie. 

“I love you...” 

It wasn’t clear to Mako who initiated the kiss, but Jamie’s arms were reaching up to curl around his neck, and their lips were meeting, and Mako’s tongue was pressing softly into Jamie’s mouth. One of Mako’s hands fell to the laces at the small of Jamie’s back, pressing their bodies closer together as their mouths met over and over again.

The hand on Jamie’s back slid down lower to squeeze the cheek of his behind, making Jamie giggle into the kiss, much to Mako’s delight.

“Mmmh,” Mako grinned as their lips met, desire pulsing through his body.

_This feels familiar, somehow_ , Mako thought, as they kissed. He had a deep sense that Jamie wanted him, and that he and Jamie had been intimate many times before, he just couldn’t remember when.

Mako carefully rolled them over so Jamie was on his back, with Mako on top of him. Mako’s his lips traveled to the sensitive skin under Jamie’s ear, nibbling, as his hand carefully undid the buttons on the front of Jamie’s vest. He gently pulled at the shirt until the smaller man’s belly was exposed. Mako’s lips moved to Jamie’s belly button, kissing along the thin line of blonde hair that ran from Jamie’s navel to the waistband of his pants. Mako dragged his tongue back and forth on Jamie’s lower tummy, his hand undoing the button and pulling down the zipper of the lavender trousers. His fingers curled into Jamie’s waistbands, peeling the delicate clothes away, leaving Jamie beautifully exposed from the waist down.

Mako kissed his lips down Jamie’s inner thigh, stopping to run his tongue along the junction between Jamie’s thigh and his torso, before his lips fell to Jamie’s clit.

As Mako began to pleasure Jamie, a hesitant feeling started to trickle through him.

_This... Feels_ **way** _too good to be real,_ he thought. _Why..?_

From his position between Jamie’s thighs, Mako glanced across the meadow they were lying in, to the mountains in the distance, surrounded by clouds that looked unusually close to the ground, like a painting with warped perspective.

_Mountains..? Where are we anyways?_

A realization struck him.

_Shit. This is a dream isn’t it._

—

Mako’s body jerked as his eyes shot open to see the ceiling above his bed. Curled up beside him was Jamie, stirring from his sleep, head lifting slightly from where it was on Mako’s arm.

_Fuck me_ , Roadhog thought, brow furrowing beneath his mask, cheeks red with embarrassment and arousal. His shorts felt tight as his hard on strained against the front of them. _Did I wake Jamie…?_

“Y’awright mate?” Jamie murmured blearily, struggling to stay awake.

“Mmmh,” Mako grunted affirmatively.

“Mmmh. That’s good…,” Jamie breathed in response, nuzzling his face against Mako’s shoulder. A soft murmur of contentment burbled from Jamie’s mouth, and he slipped back into sleep.

Mako breathed a sigh of relief.

_Fuckin' crazy how vivid that dream was,_ he thought. _I didn’t think I could… have feelings… like that. I can’t think of a time when I’ve felt that kinda… Excitement? Happiness? That’s how I knew it couldn’t be real. Don’t think I’ve ever been that happy in real life before._

From behind his mask, Mako watched Jamie sleeping peacefully. His eyes traced over Jamie’s relaxed brow, down to his nose and softly parted lips.

_Cute..._

Mako thought about how he had kissed Jamie in the dream, and how natural it felt, even though they had never actually kissed before. Mako was fascinated by the way his mind had conjured up an entire parallel universe, creating memories and unmistakable feelings of familiarity, making him feel as though he had lived an entire lifetime in just one dream.

_It felt like that wasn’t our first kiss. When I had him in my arms, I feel like I had this understanding that… That we were already together. And God, Jamie was so… Playful and cute. It was... Sexy…_

Mako inhaled, heart pounding hard in his ears, and he clenched his jaw, trying to shake the thoughts from his head.

_Ugh. Get a’hold o’ yerself_ , Mako scolded himself silently, a frown tugging at his lips. _Shouldn’t even be thinking about... stuff like that. It was just a dream. It didn’t mean anything… Right?_

He swallowed nervously.

_God damn it. Why do I gotta start catching feelings now…?_ Mako thought, brow creasing in annoyance. _I don’t wanna make things weird between us. Or worse, make him think I’m trying to take advantage of him. He got so upset at me staring. Besides... I’m probably too old for him_ , Mako’s heart broke at the thought, tears welling in his eyes. _Jamie deserves better'n someone like me. I’m not fit to be anyone’s ‘lover’ anyway._

Mako sighed.

_All that matters is Jamie healing from what happened_ , he decided resolutely. _Gotta put my own feelings aside and be a good friend. I can do that. For him…_

Mako’s vision focused on Jamie’s peacefully sleeping face as he began to drift back into sleep.

_Even still..._

_If Jamie ever did let me love him… I would spend every day letting him know how much he means to me…_

_Guess I can still do that… Even if he doesn't love me back._

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to follow me on twitter @destroying4ngel or tumblr at destroying4ngel.tumblr.com!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Follow me on https://twitter.com/destroying4ngel or https://destroying4ngel.tumblr.com for updates and to get at me or ask questions. (art by @adorpheus)


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